Well, it's 1 a.m. and I am awake. So I may as well blog, right? Sometimes my logic is severely flawed. If I'm restless and my mind is buzzing, why oh why do I think that logging onto the World Wide Web will help the situation? It just makes no sense at all.
The last 3.5 months have flown by...and at the same time crawled at a snail's pace. It's weird how it can be both-and, but somehow it can. Maybe it's not so much that it's been crawling but that I've been very aware that I'm not doing certain things very well, and somehow Christmas has fixed itself in my mind as the magical time when I will set all things to right. Wishful thinking? I certainly hope not.
How do people do it? And by "it" I mean lead well-balanced lives. I feel like I'd have more success walking a tightrope across Niagra Falls than I'm having learning what it means to live life as I was meant to live it. Why does it feel less like joy-filled service and more like hanging on by the skin of my teeth? And are there really enough hours in the day to get everything done? Last I checked there were only 24. By my calculations I need at least 42.
These thoughts frequently circle the track that I imagine inside of my head. But every once in a while a crazy deviant from the stands runs into the lanes and disrupts their chaotic flow, reminding me of what life could be like. Of what life can be like.
It's not about how much I can do or know. It's not about letting the plate pile up so high that I get nauseous just looking at it. It's not about running without rest, striving without peace, or pressing on without fuel. It's not about making sure everybody likes me and that I always make the right decision.
But too often that divergent Thought merely gets trampled into dust.
Ron and Judy Smith (founders of the SBS program) were here teaching last week. At a "Q and A" night, something Ron said struck a chord inside me. He spoke of men and women who desired God and his supernatural invasion in their lives more than the air they breathed. And they sought Him until they found Him.
That's what I want. More than anything.
Run baby run.
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1 comments:
i'm glad i'm not the only one feeling like i'm barely surviving. i look around me and everyone else seems to be doing just fine...ah the illusions, eh???
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