when the light of sense goes out in flashes

come one, come all!

2009-12-09T15:23:00.002-06:00

consider this an official announcement:

i am following the general trend and switching to wordpress. henceforth, if you should so choose, you may find updates on my life and head-space by visiting:

sarmbruster.wordpress.com

please come and stay a while! you are MORE than welcome.

trying to run off the beaten track

2009-12-08T01:55:00.004-06:00

Well, it's 1 a.m. and I am awake. So I may as well blog, right? Sometimes my logic is severely flawed. If I'm restless and my mind is buzzing, why oh why do I think that logging onto the World Wide Web will help the situation? It just makes no sense at all.

The last 3.5 months have flown by...and at the same time crawled at a snail's pace. It's weird how it can be both-and, but somehow it can. Maybe it's not so much that it's been crawling but that I've been very aware that I'm not doing certain things very well, and somehow Christmas has fixed itself in my mind as the magical time when I will set all things to right. Wishful thinking? I certainly hope not.

How do people do it? And by "it" I mean lead well-balanced lives. I feel like I'd have more success walking a tightrope across Niagra Falls than I'm having learning what it means to live life as I was meant to live it. Why does it feel less like joy-filled service and more like hanging on by the skin of my teeth? And are there really enough hours in the day to get everything done? Last I checked there were only 24. By my calculations I need at least 42.

These thoughts frequently circle the track that I imagine inside of my head. But every once in a while a crazy deviant from the stands runs into the lanes and disrupts their chaotic flow, reminding me of what life could be like. Of what life can be like.

It's not about how much I can do or know. It's not about letting the plate pile up so high that I get nauseous just looking at it. It's not about running without rest, striving without peace, or pressing on without fuel. It's not about making sure everybody likes me and that I always make the right decision.

But too often that divergent Thought merely gets trampled into dust.

Ron and Judy Smith (founders of the SBS program) were here teaching last week. At a "Q and A" night, something Ron said struck a chord inside me. He spoke of men and women who desired God and his supernatural invasion in their lives more than the air they breathed. And they sought Him until they found Him.

That's what I want. More than anything.

Run baby run.

don't ask...

2009-12-07T01:23:00.003-06:00

...but i'm inclined to believe it was foul play.

2 corinthians

2009-11-25T00:51:00.003-06:00

i wish i had the brain power for a more thorough update...but i don't. last week i taught 2 corinthians and the last 3 weeks were a whirlwind. it looks like the next 4are shaping up to be the same. if you think of it, i could use an extra dose or two of grace.

BUT

God has been SO faithful. and i am blessed to be able to walk this path knowing that he has called me, he is equipping me, and he will never leave my side. o praise him.

the message of 2 corinthians started hitting me way back in my country snacks days. i'd repeat 2 cor 12:9-10 on my way to work every day. i never get tired of hearing that God's power is made perfect in my weakness. what a hope.

i thought i'd give you a bit of a sneak preview of my 2 corinthians lecture through this "never-before-seen" footage of the super-apostles (mentioned by paul in 2 cor 11:5 and 12:11). i hope this video makes you wonder what in the world i'm doing and gets you into the book itself to try to figure it out:)

bless you, my friends.

here's a few pictures

2009-11-24T23:44:00.005-06:00

Well, my friends, it's been a while. Forgive me my fickleness. Hopefully a few pictures will be enough of a peace offering to placate you for the next several months:)

Staff Christmas Part: "Ugly Gift Exchange"

Jenn was the LUCKY recipient of a glove full of...dirt:)

This was my take-home treasure: "Floating Sensations: Water activated floating lights." Get this: over 120 hours of glowing time. And, the back of the box informs me that this translates into 240 half hour baths. Who knew!!??

A simple plan to watch "Footloose" turned into a rescue mission. We were able to deliver the disc from the clutches of the DVD-eating machine. There was MUCH rejoicing (and dancing).

Just cuz we wanted to.

At the Christmas market after having our lips plumped by some amazing product by Beauti-Control (don't YOU want to host a party now???)

Nicole had the fabulous idea of getting us all to wear ugly sweaters to the Christmas market. What a bunch of kooks.

My life in pictures

2009-10-11T15:10:00.008-05:00

Getting to know just who I'll be spending the next 9 months with (scary stuff:P)

I've said it once, and I'll say it again. When it comes to the largeness of creation,
a photo miserably fails to do it justice.

"Welcome to T.V. Night." This here's a cow-town.

Just two cowgirls and their Junior Mints. I wouldn't mess with them.

Yep, these 'em my friends.

A YWAM Thanksgiving dinner, family style.

Just a friendly game of "Pin the Football in the Endzone."
What?? Doesn't everyone play this at Thanksgiving?

Lory Jean...don't look so worried! We'll still love you, even if you fumble the ball!

A reminder:

small

2009-10-03T02:20:00.001-05:00

The road to Damascus

2009-09-27T13:57:00.007-05:00

The experience of the apostle Paul on the road to Damascus dramatically changed his life forever. Before having it, Paul tells us about his conviction and zealous mission to persecute the church of Christ: "I myself was convinced that I ought to do many things in opposing the name of Jesus of Nazareth. And I did so in Jerusalem. I not only locked up many of the saints in prison after receiving authority from the chief priests, but when they were put to death I cast my vote against them. And I punished them often in all the synagogues and tried to make them blaspheme, and in raging fury against them I persecuted them even to foreign cities" (Acts 26:9-11). Or to take another angle, read what Paul writes about his confidence in his "pre-conversion" days in his letter to the Philippians: "If anyone else thinks he has reason for confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the law, blameless" (3:4-6). In sum, Paul had all his ducks in a row. He knew what the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob wanted from him, and he was fully committed to having it accomplished (or so he thought).

But something happened to Paul on that road to Damascus - something so incredible that it caused him to count as garbage all the brownie points he had earned according to the Law: "Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith--that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection of the dead" (Philippians 3:8-11).

Paul changed from the man at whose feet witnesses laid their garments before casting stones at Stephen (the first martyr) for testifying that Jesus was the Christ (Acts 7:58), to a man willing "even to die...for the name of the Lord Jesus" (Acts 21:13). Paul , who as to the Law had everything going for him (Phil 3:4-6), educated at the feet of the foremost rabbi of his generation (Acts 22:3), and so self-assured that he approached the high priest for letters allowing him to persecute believers in the synagogues at Damascus (Acts 9:1-2), became one whose greatest desire was to share in the sufferings of Christ so that he could learn to fully rely, not on himself, but on God who raises the dead (2 Cor 1:9). He who could deliver oratories that would cause even Athenian Stoics and Epicureans to stop and listen (Acts 17:16-31) chose rather to deliver his testimony "in weakness and in fear and much trembling" dedicated to knowing nothing "except Jesus Christ and him crucified" so that the faith of his hearers "might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God" (1 Cor 2:2-5).

So...what happened on that hot and dusty road to Damascus? How did one travelling to Damascus "still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord" (9:1) become one travelling from Damascus under the cover of night because his life was in danger due to bold proclamation of Jesus in the synagogues (9:20-25)!! WAIT A SEC...Paul preached Jesus in the very same synagogues he had purposed to use as centres to increase persecution against the Christians in Damascus??? Hold the phone!! What on earth could have possibly happened to effect such a dramatic change?

Paul met Jesus, that's what happened. And in that supernatural revelation, he came to see the mission that he thought was God-ordained was actually in opposition to the eternal purposes of God "set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him" (Ephesians 1:9-10).

Paul's life's mission, all the things he considered most important in preaching the gospel, his willingness to endure persecution and do things he never would have done as a "Pharisee of Pharisees" (such as become the apostle to the Gentiles - Rom 11:13), and his unrelenting defense of justification by faith and NOT by any works of the law (Gal 2:16) all stemmed from his encounter with Christ on the road to Damascus. Paul encountered grace from the very One he had been persecuting with every fibre of his being. And it forever changed him, altering the course of his life, becoming the reason for everything he did from that point on.

What is your "road to Damascus"? How did you first encounter the living Christ as the One who has freed you from everything that following the Law was unable to free you from (Acts 13:39)? Has the grace that you experienced in that revelation of Christ impacted you in such a way that it has become the wellspring of all that you say and do? The reason you stay or go; the reason you speak or remain silent; but ABOVE ALL the reason you understand the primary calling of your life is that of a witness (Acts 1:8).

I am deeply convicted by these questions. And right now I can only respond by praying, "Lord, would you increase my understanding of what you have done in my life. More and more may my "road to Damascus" become the reason why I open my mouth to proclaim your name. May I never use the excuse of persecution, fear of man, apathy, personal weakness and belief in my ability to earn my own merit, rather may a greater revelation of you translate into a greater passion to bear witness to you. Amen."

Today's the day!

2009-09-14T06:35:00.004-05:00

This is the day the Lord has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Psalm 118:24

Parallelism was a technique oft-used by Hebrew poets and a defining feature of the biblical Psalms and Proverbs. The technique relates two lines of the psalm/proverb in some way, often helping to bring greater understanding to what the poet was trying to convey. Identifying parallelisms are useful in highlighting application, still relevant millennia after composition.

In synonymous parallelisms, the second line essentially repeats the first line using different words that have the same meaning. For example:

The heavens declare the glory of God,
and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.
Day to day pours out speech,
and night to night reveals knowledge. (Psalm 19:2)

A synthetic parallelism uses the second line to add to or explain the first. This type of parallelism can appear in a variety of combinations Some might include question-answer, proposition-conclusion, or situation-consequence. You'll notice this type of parallelism if you are left with the inclination to ask the question "Why?" after the first line. For example:

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,
for you are with me; your rod and your staff,they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4)

When the second line is a contrast to the first, an antithetic parallelism is being used:

A soft answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger. (Proverbs 15:1)

An emblematic parallelism uses the first line to illustrate the message using a figure of speech; the second clarifies with a more literal explanation or brings the metaphor to its application.

As a deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, O God. (Psalm 42:1)

I say all that to say again:
This is the day the Lord has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Psalm 118:24

So....what kind of parallelism is being used by this psalmist? What then is the implication/application for your life today?

prayer request

2009-09-10T00:22:00.002-05:00

Sleep has not been sweet lately. Unfortunately I have not yet mastered the subtle art of the stilling of the brain - which is apparently a necessary step in the whole "falling asleep" process. If you think of it, I'd appreciate prayer.

2009-09-08T09:46:00.002-05:00

I've only been here 30 days and I've already used up 2 tubes of toothpaste.

Is that normal??

why is this funny?

2009-09-01T21:26:00.004-05:00

will you think less of me if i tell you that this causes my easily-amused self to laugh?

the first clip is my absolute favourite one from this next video:

How to become a "somebody"

2009-08-26T22:34:00.002-05:00

Quiet times. The ever-struggle of a Christ-follower.

Why is this? Why is taking the time to invest in our most important relationship harder than pulling hen's teeth? Especially considering all that we stand to gain from it - deriving the strength to complete what we otherwise would find impossible, experiencing life in the previously-declared dead places of our heart, and growing in the knowledge of how we look through the eyes of the only One who really matters.

Maybe it's because we feel we've been there, done that. We've filled our "quiet" times with show and noisy gongs. We've done a lot of asking, but not a lot of receiving; skimmed a lot of Bible verses, but not a lot of meditating on how those verses might meet our needs that day. We know how to phrase our requests in eloquent monologue - with nary a space for God to squeeze a word in edgewise. We've blockaded the other side of this two-way street, and it's not that we're unable to take down the barrier. It's just a whole lot easier to keep the whole thing one-sided.

Creating a space for silence is scary. To do so implies we're expecting God to respond. Like we actually think He may be right there with us, desiring to impart a Word, a direction, a strength. We're no longer engaged in some mindless discipline that we do because it's what "good Christians" do. Another box to tick on our daily list of "to-do's." It's terrifying because what if God doesn't having something to impart to us? What if we wait, hoping to hear His still, small voice . . . and all that emerges are the frenzied distractions that line the sidelines of coherent thought, ready to flood our minds the moment we give it a rest? What if quiet time simply reinforces the fears we try to keep buried beneath layers of busyness and good deeds?

You know, maybe that will happen. Maybe our projected voicelessness will run head-long into a brick wall of silence. Fears, insecurities, doubts, agendas, to-do's may rush in to fill the vacuum that quietness has created. I'd venture to say that this is probably what will happen, and it fosters the type of panic that screams, "See! I told you so! You don't have what it takes to do this Christian thing. You can't even focus on the spiritual for 10 seconds without your thoughts spiralling to the things of this world. How can you ever expect to hear God's voice when you're never able to even set your mind towards him to receive what he might have to say???"

Sound familiar? It's crippling. We give up. Because we've been there, done that. And we're tired of feeling bad about ourselves.

But...what if...

What if we're expecting from ourselves something that isn't a part of our DNA as fallen man - trying to hop, skip and jump over the fact that we need God to even be in relationship with God? What if instead of being crushed by God’s perceived slighting of the exposure of our souls, we embrace it as a step of faith - a declaration of our weakness as clay pots and broken vessels? What if we hold onto what God has promised and declared to us about our identity in Scripture, and slosh through the uncomfortable, unsparing and utterly unexplainable process of actually believing it to be true?

When we enter into solitude to be alone with God, we quickly discover how dependent we are. Without the many distractions of our daily lives, we feel anxious and tense. When nobody speaks to us, calls on us, or needs our help, we start feeling like nobodies. Then we begin wondering whether we are useful, valuable, or significant. Our tendency is to leave this fearful solitude quickly and get busy again to reassure ourselves that we are "somebodies." But that is a temptation, because what makes us somebodies is not other people's responses to us but God's eternal love for us.

To claim the truth of ourselves we have to cling to our God in solitude as to the One who makes us who we are.
- Henri Nouwen

before and after

2009-08-15T20:45:00.004-05:00

BEFORE:

AFTER:

(Mel - did you notice that I have picture frames hanging on my wall!!! Never mind that they're still empty. Be happy with my baby-steps:)

Alberta Driver's Licence - Check
Bank Account - Check (don't tell the Credit Union - sacrilege!!)
Sew myself curtains - not yet (crossing my fingers that it'll happen - wonder of wonders that would be)
Find plants for my room - Check

Guess I'm "settled in." On the surface at least. There's a little more settling that needs to happen in my heart. However, today I was reminded at how little this all means in the Grand Scheme of Eternity. And the displaced corners of my heart found themselves a little more at home.

better than ice cream

2009-08-08T20:03:00.004-05:00

The girls went out to play today
We had the buffet and cafe au lait
Delight was indulged - it's hard to convey
A veritable purvey for the day

"Why?" you may say, "Did you go out to play?"
Alas the sad day - one is going away!

Dismay! Dismay! Curdles and whey!
Has little Miss Muffet
And her dear little tuffet
Been frightened away...and to stay?

Not frightened, I say
(Though there may be dismay)
Not to stay, I pray
(All I know is for today)
It will be okay - nay MORE than okay
Cuz to obey is the joy-filled Way

So let us stop this display
And shout, "Hip, hip, HOORAY!"
For today is a day to be gay!

"Why?" you may say, "is this day to be gay
When partings are looming and gray?"
Because Jesus is near
Bringing freedom from fear
And I'd rather have that than sorbet!

i'm a work in progress

2009-08-06T22:32:00.003-05:00

The last time I watched this I was sitting in the room of my best friends at SBS, probably lamenting my terribly sinful state or something else just as self-absorbed. Another good friend walked in and shared his video to shed some much-needed perspective. I hope it blesses you as much as it blessed me. And that it reminds you of HOW MUCH you are loved. Period.

We are the fatherless

2009-07-25T17:30:00.019-05:00

All my joy and my hope are only found in knowing You/Take away my loneliness and restore the fatherless in me.
- "Deeper Still" by Eoghan Heaslip

I don't know much about fatherlessness. My own father has always been there for me - never one to miss even the most insignificant events that involved his kids (for example, he regularly attended the weekly elementary school assemblies), is faithful to daily lift up my brother, sisters and I in prayer, and ever-ready to humble himself before his family when he has made a mistake.

It is because of the undeserved blessing I have experienced in this area that I feel I am not able to say much on the topic of "fatherlessness." Really - I know nothing about it. However, this line in "Deeper Still" by Eoghan Heaslip has always struck a chord in me. God speaks to me through music. The combination of honest lyrics and musical notes hits me on a deeper plane.

I listened to this song on repeat during a time of my life when I was feeling particularly directionless. Questions outweighed answers on the grand scale of life. God felt distant, unapproachable and likely to let me wander off on my own - a thought which terrified me. Even though I had a father in the literal sense, I felt I could deeply identify with the artist's cry that God "restore the fatherless" in him. What is fatherlessness but insecurity, abandonment and fear? It's those areas in life in which we feel utterly isolated, like we're treading deep water, necks craned way back, faces barely breaking the surface. If I had to put a picture to the word, I'd give it the face of a little child cowering in a corner, knees touching chin, arms wrapped around themselves. Shoulders shaking imperceptibly from weeping.

I feel the need to paint a picture of "fatherlessness" because of the way the term is dismissed today as a normal option for the family. Just read this page for a few facts on fatherless kids to get a better idea of the gravity of the scenario. God's good intention is that no one experience the isolating pain of this reality (Psalm 68:5-6).

In the season this song spoke so manifestly to me, there were areas in my life which could only be described in terms of "fatherlessness." There was no better word. And while my earthly father was already offering me all that he could possibly could, what I needed was a touch from my Father which art in Heaven.

You know what, He did touch my heart. He still does . . . gently healing those areas that still are "fatherless." I can't always point to specific times or places, but as I look back from the vantage point of the present I'm absolutely convinced of the fact that God never once abandoned me - never planned to and never will.

My prayer for you today is that you also will begin to recognize that He is just as relentless in His pursuit of you. Let him father your fatherlessness.

long john johnson

2009-07-09T15:10:00.000-05:00

Just 'cause I think we need to laugh more.

Da da da daaaaa

2009-07-02T23:03:00.003-05:00

I'm known for being indecisive, a fact that caused my sister Melodie MUCH frustration growing up whenever we'd go shopping. I've never done the math, but I figure it's safe to estimate I return about 60-70% of the items that I buy. I rarely shop at a store that has a poor return policy. I like the safety of a "no-sale-is-ever-final" guarantee.

Well folks, the great indecider has finally made a decision (I just made that word up on the spot - hope that's okay).

With MUCH fear and trembling I've made the decision to make the 2-year commitment to return to Turner Valley as SBS staff. (Excuse me while I run around the room with my hands in the air, shrieking at the top of my lungs).

There are so many reasons for me to panic. Questions and fears like:

Do I have what it takes?
Will I find my identity in my work and not in Christ?
What if I don't have the answers?
What if my insecurities stop my brain from functioning?
What about finances?
I'm not getting any younger!
Do I have the emotional stamina?
What about homesickness?
Commitment is scary (why do you think I'm still single;) J/K

And yet I've felt God gently but persistently draw me to take this leap of faith. "Trust me," he says. "I am the One for whom NOTHING is impossible. I am good and I do good and I will never leave you or forsake you. You know you can't do it? That's perfect! Because my power works best in weakness. I can't wait to blow you away with my provision, with my goodness, with my faithfulness and with my blessing. Lift your vision HIGHER - off of yourself and onto me. I am the answer for everything you need."

The quote from my last post has succintly phrased my feeling at this time. It's the terrifying moment of standing at the top of a cliff in which you dare yourself to take the step required to plummet you to the waters below. The energy required for that smallest of steps is enormous - but once expended gravity takes over. And you experience the inexplicable exhileration of something you were absolutely terrified of - and did anyway.

To be honest, I didn't think I'd take this plunge. I know it took a work of God to get me here and it will take a work of God to bring me to the end. However, I eagerly anticipate standing at the end, more certain than ever before that He provides all that I ever need.

I won't need to rely on a return policy for this one. His promises are as good as gold.

Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.
2 Corinthians 3:4-6

my thoughts exactly

2009-06-29T09:14:00.002-05:00

It's not a miracle that I finished...it's a miracle that I had the courage to start.
- John Bingham

Don't give up - you're becoming new!

2009-06-21T18:15:00.005-05:00

I was recently given one of the greatest honours that I have ever received in my entire life - of baptizing my dear friend Christi Kruis. I was a little bit nervous seeing as I've never baptized anyone before. I didn't want to mess up and make the whole thing null and void because I forgot to speak the magic word.

But that's the beauty of baptism. There is no magic word. It's simply an identification with the death and life of Christ. His death conquered sin and his life conquered death, and it is this newness that has been made available to one and all. A magic word (or perfect prayer) didn't get us into the Kingdom of God, anyway. Only faith like a child can do that.

As I stood with Christi as she publicly made her confession of child-like faith, I couldn't help but feeling deep down in my spirit, "YES! This is what we're here for." To know Christ and make him known. To stand with one another through the ups and downs and turn-arounds. To keep our eyes on the prize of the upward call of God. As we performed the same sacrament that millions of believers have performed for 2000 years, I knew that moment was a holy moment. We weren't just 16 poor YWAMers standing outside on a cold and rainy day - we were joined by the cloud of witnesses who have fought the good fight of faith before us, lived and died for the sake of knowing Christ and the power of his resurrection, and are now cheering us on to run with endurance the race that has been set before us (Hebrews 11 and 12). In our 21st century worship of individualism, it's hard enough connecting with our neighbour down the street, never mind trying to understand and learn from the stories of people who are dead and gone (heroes of the faith). But that's just it - they're not "dead and gone." They're alive with Christ. And their stories, wrought with beauty, pain, sadness and joy have the power to speak to me in my story and to you in yours. We're a part of something bigger than ourselves. And sometimes a reminder of that, demonstrated in the lives of those who persevered before us, is all that we need to continue.

As the old country song puts it:

[We] come from a long line of love
When the times get hard we don't give up
Forever is in [our] hearts and in [our] blood

We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. Romans 6:4

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17

And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Revelation 21:5

Living in community

2009-06-14T19:18:00.003-05:00

I am embarking upon the last 2 weeks of my adventure through the Bible. However, I must say that over the course of the last 9 months I haven't only learned lessons through the pages of the Good Book. Living in community has taught me just as much, if not more, because it has forced me to put theoretical faith into action. Here's a taste of some of the highs, lows, and just plain weird things about living with people from all over the world, with sometimes clashing personalities and very different ways of looking at the world.

You know the saying, "Beggars can't be choosers." That's especially true for YWAMers. This entire year we have not had a kitchen coordinator, which has made for some pretty interesting meals. Some highlights: ribs so burnt they were completely black, Spanish rice in which the rice portion somehow didn't get cooked (I'm not sure how good that was for my digestive system) and "mystery meat." YWAM gets many donations; we don't ask questions, we just eat out of the thankfulness of our hearts:) We hadn't figured out yet what this "mystery meat" was, and then during the course of one meal a guy was chewing his meatball and pulled a bullet out of his mouth. Judging by the size of it, we figured it must be some kind of wild bird - possibly duck. It's probable we're eating entire wild duck ground up. Oh yummy.
While most of my time is spent studying the Bible, YWAM programs also involve students through forced labour - otherwise known as work duty. My work duty this year has been supper clean up, which includes throwing out the trash. Normally this isn't too bad, except on Mondays when the garbage bags are full of the leftovers from the weekend. The bags are so heavy that I can barely lift them on their own, never mind heaving them into the metal trash bin that's almost as tall as I am. I usually have to hug the bag right up to my face and flip it over the edge, which ends up with me covered with the food juices that have been percolating over the week. Mmmm. The other wonderful thing about work duty is the amount of clothing I have ruined by dripping bleach on it. For washing pots, I have to drop a capful of bleach into the sink. Somehow in that small little action I have gotten bleach spots on 6 pairs of pants and one sweater. Sigh and a half.
Showering is another adventure. For no apparent reason and with no forewarning (at least none that I have been able to distinguish) the shower will suddenly go scalding hot or ice-cold. It's really quite the shocker. Literally, there have been times when I think I could have cooked an egg on my scalp. I'm surprised I haven't received any 3rd degree burns yet. Then a couple weeks ago I completely lost water pressure 6 times in the course of one shower. The next day all the staff were gone for "Human Being Day" and our water completely cut out. Perfect timing. For a couple days we had to haul water up from the river to "flush" our toilets (which didn't always work for the "big jobs") and wash our dishes. I'm sure FoodSafe would have been horrified if they knew.
When you live in an extremely rural community (an hour's drive from the city and with no car of one's own) and have only days of studying stretched out before you, small things have the ability to excite you more than they should. Thus, the infinite importance we have ascribed to snack day. Snack day is the one day a week that we have snack provided for us in the middle of lecture. Snack day is Wednesday and we never forget. If (God forbid) the staff forget that Wednesday is snack day (though there is really no excuse for Wednesday has always been and always will be snack day), they are met with some very angry (and hungry) students. "What!!??" we cry, "We've paid good money to be here and you forgot Snack Day!" Inconceivable, I know.
It's amazing how well you get to know people once you've lived with them for 9 months. We know each other so well we can distinguish the unique sounds of each person's tramp down the hallway. We've even transformed this seemingly useless information into a game. It makes for quite an entertaining evening (remember...Calgary is an hour's drive away...and I have no car).
There are other (more interesting) things that we have gotten to know about each other; we've discovered idiosyncrasies. For example, there is the "compulsive door closer," who cannot study in the classroom unless the door is shut (and will get up from her seat to shut the door if it is left open). There's the "mushroom-hater." That's pretty self-explanatory. The "coffee-slurper," who enjoys his coffee so much he's got to let everyone else know how much by noisily downing his cup within 5 minutes. There's the "bull-dozer," who shows me her love every day by beating me up or forcing me to do things like cartwheels and then laughs at me. I don't know why I let her boss me around. There are many more unique personalities, but I'll leave it at that.
I will be forever indebted to this place for opening my eyes to the wonders of sweet-potato french fries. I always thought I hated sweet potatoes (in fact, though I made sure my Mom had them on the table every Christmas because of tradition, I never ate them). But my world has been turned upside down. And though others may vehemently disagree, I think I alone have the right to say that I love sweet potatoes more than anyone else on base. After all, I've only just begun my love affair with sweet potatotes. And you never forget your First Love.

Well, I could go on and on. But I've probably already gone on too long already and bored you all. While I am an introvert and my need for "alone time" is rarely met here, the truth is that I have been so blessed by my 9 months living in community. I've gotten to know people and people have gotten to know me in ways that I never thought possible. I've been challenged to love when I don't understand and to be there when I just want to hide. God gave a good thing when he gave us community.

Will he or won't he? That is not the question.

2009-06-05T17:53:00.005-05:00

"Now if you are ready when you hear the sound of the horn, pipe, lyre, trigon, harp, bagpipe, and every kind of music, to fall down and worship the image that I have made, well and good. But if you do not worship, you shall immediately be cast into a burning fiery furnace. And who is the god who will deliver you out of my hands?”
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.”

Daniel 3:15-18

Ability. What is an ability? According to Cambridge Dictionaries Online, ability is defined as "the physical or mental power or skill needed to do something." I have the ability to do a lot of things.

I have the ability to ride a bike
I have the ability to eat
I have the ability to laugh
I have the ability to love

Whether or not I choose to do any of these things is another story.

Whereas my ability to do things are limited to what is humanly possible, it was the belief of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego (and mine as well) that God had the ability to perform the supernatural. In their situation, that meant he could rescue them from the fiery furnace that Nebuchadnezzar was about to barbeque them in. Whether or not God had the ability to do this was not even a point to waver on. It was solid fact.

I think it's interesting where they take it from there. After declaring their faith in God's ability to deliver them (and that, in fact, he would deliver them) they move on to express a most-extraordinary and paradoxical statement:

"But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up."

In sum their statement was this: "God will save us . . . but maybe he won't. Either way, we're willing to die because of our unflinching faith in our God's ability."

It's a rather comical scenario, really. I would have loved to have seen the contorted face of Nebuchadnezzar (the most powerful man in the known world) as he listened to these three men nonchalantly inform him they felt his attack on the ability of their God not even worth the breath it required to respond. They knew God didn't need them to provide a well-constructed defense. And they sure as heck knew that God didn't need to prove Himself to them.

Because it's not God's ability that is in question. God can step into our lives in miraculous ways. He can restore relationships, provide finances, heal the sick, and raise the dead. I don't know why he sometimes doesn't burst dramatically into our lives in the way he did in the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. I don't know why it sometimes seems like he chooses to remain silent, distant or even (scary as it is to admit) non-existent. However, the lesson I learn from the life of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego is not that God will save me from every difficult thing that I face. The lesson I learn is that God can. This challenges me to turn the question back on myself, asking if I am willing to base my faith on God's ability to make the supernatural happen, and not on whether or not he chooses to.

Because what a person (any person) doesn't do is not a reflection of their ability.

Is He or isn't He?

2009-05-27T12:20:00.003-05:00

There are certain questions, the answers of which we base our lives upon. For me, that foundational question is "Is He or isn't He?"

If what I believe about God to be true, that means He is always Good, He is always Just and He is always Love. Because He is not like man and does not change.

If what I believe about God to be true, that means that it doesn't matter how much I lack, what my circumstances are, or the opposition that I face. Because He provides everything I need.

If what I believe about God to be true, that means He will never leave me nor forsake me, no task is too difficult, and I can endure until the end. Because He is ever-faithful.

If what I believe about God to be true, that means my life is not my own, it's not about me, and obedience is not an option. Because He is worthy of my sacrifice.

If what I believe about God to be true, that means I have freedom from fear, His joy is my strength, and I am being transformed into His likeness. Because He is merciful to sinful man.

Is He or isn't He? Everyday I pray that my heart answers with a resounding, "Yes! Yes! A thousand times YES!"

Moms are nice (or "I am not complaining")

2009-05-13T00:17:00.003-05:00

Not long after the previous post my mom sent an email diagnosing my symptoms at T.B. (Tired Bottom).

Her treatment: a late night phone call to lift my spirits.

I love my Mom.

I am complaining

2009-05-12T22:49:00.003-05:00

Somebody save me.

I've been sitting on my butt, staring at a computer screen for the last 15 hours (minus meals), my only distraction checking my email sinfully often and I'm going batty. I think I die a little more inside every time I read:

Good Evening, Stephanie
You have no unread emails in your Inbox

Sigh and a half.

embrace the process

2009-05-10T10:54:00.004-05:00

Identity is a fragile thing - so easily shaped by the unpredictable forces of Other People.

I think a lot about myself. Probably too much (definitely too much). I think about my feelings; why I am feeling what I am feeling; should I feel what I'm feeling etc. etc. I also think about what other people think about me, which makes me a nervous friend. I feel the weight of trying to get people to like me, and once I feel half-certain that they may just like me, to continue in a manner worthy of being deemed a "Friend." I fear the repercussions of failing to be sufficiently funny, wrongly responding in casual conversation, lacking sensitivity, and the fact that I know little being truly found out.

This past week I was hurt. The hurt didn't take long to crystallize into anger. I was so mad I whipped my toothbrush across the room. The sound it made as it hit my pillow at full speed was incredibly satisfying. It's in frightening moments like these that I witness the reality of human depravity within my own soul. Sure, I only whipped a toothbrush at my poor, unsuspecting pillow. But that action shows me my capability for so much more.

I never liked process, but I'm beginning to become more aware of the gift that it is. No process, no destination. We all love destinations. At this moment, I wish I could be in any number of exotic corners of this beautiful world. Right now my parents are in Cuba (Happy Mother's Day, Mom!!). However, it would have literally been impossible for them to get there without the process of packing, driving to the airport, and flying across the continent. Process is an essential part of experiencing the benefits of the place you want to be.

When confronted with an attack on my identity, I can do one of several things. I can stay mad, I can wallow in self-pity, or I can work through the emotions to come to a resolution. Two of the options involved stagnancy; the third requires me to embrace the blood, sweat and tears of a Process. Regarding my recent bout of insecurity, I dragged myself through a process kicking and screaming - I thought; I wrote; I communicated. I think God graciously worked Process into a kind of snowball effect. The biggest and hardest hurdle to overcome is the initial choice to even want to get over yourself - once you've thrown your heart over the bar, the rest of you eventually follows suit. In my situation, I began thinking it inconceivable that I could feel anything other than what I was feeling at the moment, and gradually moved towards a place that my blinding-emotions had convinced me I'd never be able to be.

It sneaks up on you, this healing process. You grunt, you heave, you complain, you yell - and slowly and suddenly life begins to germinate in the darkest corners of your heart. What once seemed so reprehensible becomes desirable (yet impossible); what seems desirable (yet impossible) becomes desirable and imaginable; what seems imaginable may one day become tangible. It just might.

my new hero

2009-05-08T20:45:00.000-05:00

fire drill

2009-05-07T17:41:00.002-05:00

We had a fire drill today. They're always so exciting. Makes me feel like a kid again.

That's a good feeling.

DOING justice and LOVING kindness

2009-05-05T11:16:00.007-05:00

I don't remember her expression when she overheard our laughter at her frizzy pouf of hair. I don't remember if she was always silent when we turned up our noses at her body odour, asking if she knew where to buy deodorant. Did she ever stand up for herself when we dismissed her and her ridiculous clothes? Would we have let her? Or how about our cruel mimicry of her developing pre-adolescent body? How deep did that cut? Did she have any friends? Did anybody invite her to the swings at recess or to play "girls chase boys"? I don't remember. But I doubt it.

Kids can be cruel. And I was one of them.

I'd like to think that since I grew up in a Christian home I knew right from wrong and always did right. I'd stand up for the weak and fiercely defend the one who could not defend themselves. But I didn't. My older sister, Ruth, is someone who did. I've always been jealous of her ability to speak out against wrong. I've heard countless stories of her heroics in breaking up fights and sticking up for those being bullied. "Pick on someone your own size," she'd righteously proclaim. The good kind of righteousness. I wish I was like that.

We have all heard the phrase, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? It's so not true. It makes me mad that we even give it the time of day. Words hurt deeply. I've heard personal stories from people who experienced the pain of rejection from their fellow classmates; the abuses are etched forever into their psyches - word for word. It doesn't matter how distant the experience, their head-knowledge of the untruth of the insults, or their awareness of the insecurities that the bully themselves must have had. There's a part that remains painfully sensitive.

I've read newspaper articles and watched Oprah shows about the sickening places bullying can go. Suicides and high school massacres are the extreme results of this dehumanization. Rather than feeling a distantly sympathetic response after reading of yet another school shooting, these should be a wake up call for us to begin working within our means to fight this crime. I don't need to be back in grade school or to rewind time to participate in the solution. I can beat myself up for my failure to defend those whom it was in my power to defend. I can worry about where the girl (in whose bullying I participated) is now - and how did I impact the decisions that have gotten her to that place. Unfortunately the past is the past and I cannot erase it.

But I have today. And today I am armed with my God-given mandate to plead the cause of the ones society rejects and memories of my failure to do so in the past. Today I am challenged to love people who are easier to despise. Today I can walk around with my eyes wide open and my heart willing to step into situations that would be easier to avoid. Today I can write an email to encourage a friend whose self-worth has been beaten into dust. Today I can pray that God will use little old me to further the cause of His Justice on earth.

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

Micah 6:8

Let there be dance!

2009-05-02T10:46:00.004-05:00

Unfortunately I can't embed this one - but PLEASE check out the grand finale: Stavros Flatly - Greek Irish Dancers

p.s. I cannot take credit for discovering any of these gems. Thanks go out to:

Katie "the feminine form of lion" Reynolds for hoola hooping baby and dance dance revoluation megastar
Chris Panting's blog via Liz Panting's blog for the dance takeover of Antwerp's Central Station
and Crystal Wilson for the shirtless Irish heartthrobs (Dmitri eat your heart out)

the 411

2009-04-26T13:10:00.003-05:00

I figured I should maybe do a bit of an update regarding what I've been up to and where I've been at this last little while. In a nutshell:

In Turner Valley studying the Bible. (Not much else to add)

But I WILL add! (Let me just think for a bit).

O yes...so I believe we left off 50 or so days ago at the beginning of the season of Lent. I'm trying to remember what book we were studying at that point - I believe it was Deuteronomy (which, by the way, is excellent. Gives a lot of perspective on God's heart behind Law and the reason why Jesus so viciously attacked the Pharisees regarding their hypocrisy - I recommend you read it).

One of the highlights of the last few months was guest speaker Col. David Hansen. He's a retired American military officer and archaeologist who has led digs in the Holy Land. He gave a fascinating perspective on the Old Testament stories, explaining Joshua and David's battle tactics with pictures from Israel of the very same fields, hills and cities. His lectures were incredible because they demonstrated how archaeology is supporting what the Bible has been saying for millennia, confirming its historicity. One concept he lectured on was that of "remez" which means "hint". What it suggests is that Jesus, through his words and actions, looked back to the OT, casting hints for his hearers that he was the fulfillment of all that God had promised. For example, on the cross Jesus cries, “My God, my God why have you forsaken me?” (Psalm 22). Jesus' cry was not just one of abandonment; in order to fully understand Jesus’ message, you need to know the context of Psalm 22 (which, in turn, needs to be studied in context of Ps 23 and 24 – which are all thought to be composed as a unit). Jesus’ hearers knew the word of God – they memorized it as children. Jesus’ statement on the cross would have taken them back to this portion of Scripture, which ultimately prophecies a coming King of Righteousness, thus revealing to them that he was that King: "Lift up your heads, O gates! And be lifted up, O ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in" (Ps 24:7). The coolest thing about the week of his lectures, though, was seeing he and his wife's genuine love for Christ, their excitement at seeing young people taking the time to study the Word, and the encouragement of witnessing a man over 70 still full of the joy of the Lord.

March 27 - April 5 I was home for spring break. That flew by like no tomorrow. It was wonderful to see family and friends again, although the break confirmed in me that I find transition difficult (surprise, surprise). The thought of going to church (with all those people) was overwhelming. But God is faithful...and as I walk through things I always discover that they are not as scary as I think they will be. After the initial feelings of being unsettled, home was home...and then I had to fly back to Turner Valley and transition again:)

THEN my lovely parents decided to bless me by sending my mother to visit. I'm thinking she just wanted to make sure I am actually studying the Bible and not just surfing YouTube all day, writing blog posts and creating dance videos. She discovered that I at least spend some of my time studying, and that was good enough for her. We played Skip-bo, went for walks, and created a general atmosphere of havoc wherever we went. It was glorious.

Now I'm in the home stretch of SBS. We started the prophets a week or so ago and I am really enjoying it. I'm currently buried in the pages of Isaiah, which, to be honest, I had been completely stressing out about for weeks. I've been trying to be faithful to take Sabbaths and I was sure that I wouldn't be able to take one this week. But before we started I felt God was prompting me to trust him (which is the main message of Isaiah - strange, ain't it). And then I found out that whereas I thought I'd have to do 49 charts, Isaiah is only 32. I know that probably doesn't mean anything to you, but let's just say a ton of bricks fell off my shoulders. The coolest thing about the prophets so far: seeing God's heart of compassion for his people. Despite their infidelity to him, he earnestly desired and eagerly waited to visit them with his loving-kindness:

You will say in that day:“I will give thanks to you, O Lord, for though you were angry with me, your anger turned away, that you might comfort me. “Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.” Isaiah 12:1-2

I appreciate your prayers. There's still a ways to go and I have decisions to make. But I know I can trust in the ever-truth that as just as He was for Israel, God is my joy, my hope, and my reason to sing!

Amen.

Snips and Clips

2009-04-26T11:24:00.010-05:00

Old Testament Timeline. We're not as stressed out as we look. We're WAY more stressed out than we look. .

Girls Night Out - me eating like a proper lady

Girls Night Out - me eating like a pig (as per usual)

I'm mountain climbing...really I am!

Elbow Falls (or River...can't remember). I set the camara on a rock and ran on a precariously uneven surface along a death-drop cliff in order to make it to the group in time for the shot:) Take it for the team.

Breakfast with Mom at Chuckwagon - so good
(both the food and the company)

Building Nineveh

The god of Nineveh

Our beloved Nineveh destroyed by the ruthless Babylonians (didn't see that one coming)

Saturday Night Tae-Bo
(in our defence, we sit on our butts all day)

A crux

2009-04-22T17:33:00.002-05:00

How to discern the voice of God.

That is the question.

If obedience isn't hard enough, let's add the difficulty of first of all figuring out what it is that God is saying. Sometimes it feels like way out yonder God speaks a Word and as it makes its way towards me across the eons of space, uninvited tagalongs hop on board so that by the time the thought enters my head the message has been corrupted; its integrity in question. I’m in the process of deciding what to do after SBS, and while I can say "I just want to be obedient to God," I know that there are many factors that influence what I think God is saying. These are a few I’ve noticed in my life: my own motivations, family pressure, peer pressure, societal pressure, fears and emotional highs. I’m not saying these things influence my obedience (because they do do that as well); I’m saying these things are inevitable forces which merge themselves so tightly the voice of God in my head, making distinguishing them nigh impossible. Just knowing this is enough to tie me up in a knot.

Though it is important to ask for God's direction (and then walk in obedience) when making big decisions, it's just as important to be obedient in the small stuff. The still, small Voice in the daily grind is still a Word from God. All that "love your neighbour as yourself" and "pick up your cross and follow me" stuff the Bible compels me with is still a Word from God. The thing about walking in daily obedience is that it’s often uncomfortable and diverts my attention from whatever the task at hand. Thus, the difficulty in walking it out. However, the amazing thing about what God says about the small stuff is that I am usually not worried about the purity of the message. I can skip all those cumbersome steps of worrying about whether or not God is speaking. I know what God is saying, the trouble is going out and doing it.

This encourages me. Maybe – just maybe – if I prioritize obedience in the daily grind, the Voice of God will become as unmistakable as a dear friend’s. Walking out in willingness to set aside my schedule and my pride, doing what I know he has asked me to do (taking time for people, cleaning up after myself, praying rather than worrying) is good discipline which strips away the layers of pressure from family, friends etc. that I acutely feel when making life decisions.

The wonderful thing is that I have grown in my confidence of God’s unceasingly love for me. I know that whatever decision I make, God is not going to abandon me. I’ll still be his child. My family is still going to love me. And the world will keep turning (that’s a relief).

Hope I'm not being too much of a hypocrite...

2009-04-15T18:21:00.004-05:00

...by posting a "show" about stopping our "show".

It's nice to be back in the blogging world. Can't wait to catch up with ya'll:)

farewell...for now

2009-02-25T00:34:00.005-06:00

Ugh. I had a long wrestle in my heart about this one. But I figure, what doesn't kill ya, only makes you stronger.

I had the *brilliant* idea of observing Lent this year. I have never done so in the past, but lately I've been challenged by the Christian's call to observe the spiritual disciplines. These disciplines often require us to give up some physical thing that we think we need for survival on planet earth (and rarely actually do) in order to meditate on our spiritual needs that are met by Christ alone. The process can be no-so-fun, but the destination - priceless!

I was thinking, praying about what I should give up and the thought popped into my head "Blogging". Nah - that can't be what God's requiring of me. It's a loose but very real connection to friends - family - home. I mean sure, I will admit, I do have a serious and life-draining addiction to it, but I sit in front of my computer 14 hours a day! What else am I supposed to do when I can't stand to chart any more?

Apparently, not blog.

So my dear faithful (and not-so-faithful) friends, I am saying farewell for the season of Lent. You know, they're actually lying when they say it's a 40-day observance. It's actually 46 days this year (they don't count Sundays the big jerks). **Just kidding holy fathers - I'm just trying to be difficult**

Anyway, the one fear I have is losing all connection to friends and family, so I just may send a mass email out with my "blog-like" thoughts and experiences every once in a while. If you would like to receive it, just let me know. I can check my comments via email, but I won't be replying to them on my blog. I don't want to send you a mass email you have no desire to read it, so don't worry - I won't assume you want to be added and proceed to bombard your inbox with nonsensical emails.

Also, those of you whose blogs I read, it really does pain me (excruciatingly so) to be bidding you farewell for the next forty (six) days. So please drop me a line now and then, and I will try to be faithful to do the same.

P.S. I've giving up peanut butter too. I'm not sure which will be harder.

P.S.S. Special thanks to Katie, whose commitment to fast Facebook was the inspiration I needed to give up blogging. Go Katie go!

P.S.S.S. Why observe Lent? In his article, "Let's Lengthen Lent", Sherwood Wirt considers the question of the applicability of Lent to believers who are commanded to live their lives in the power of the Spirit, not bound by law or "special days" or "requirements to fast". However, in the same breath he argues for the benefit of observing Lent:

The letter of the law kills; the Spirit gives life. Unless the Spirit is in command, nobody keeps Lent. God has no more use for a traditionalist with a vindictive heart than for an evangelical who considers himself past the need to confess anything. Yet wherever Spirit-filled Christians have surfaced, the true Church has recognized them and honored them for their love. So far we are on biblical ground, but before we write off a custom that has been followed in the Church for centuries perhaps we ought to look again. Do Spirit-filled Christians need to look into their personal lives? Of course they do. We all become careless. We all tend to forget our obligations and to ignore those we should be remembering. We all need a fresh look at the cross. So what shall we do with Lent? One place to begin might be with our Lord's instruction to his disciples that "they should not depart from Jerusalem, but wait for the promise of the Father." We could consider Lent a time of waiting to get our priorities in order. Then we could move to the Apostle Paul's injunction, "Be filled with the Spirit!" If we approach it in this fashion, Lent can become a beautiful and deeply moving experience of walking spiritually with Jesus on his pilgrimage to the cross. For as John tells us, he went to the cross not only to bear our sin but that he might send us his Spirit.Whether we keep the specific observances or not depends on many contingent factors-some of them personal, some related to background and upbringing. I need Lent....As Brother Lawrence suggests, what really matters is not our prayers but Jesus. He keeps us in a round-robin inventory. He takes our Lent, lengthens it, and makes it a blessing all the year around.

P.S.S.S.S. Okay, now I'm just stalling:) Good night and good luck!

It's a little late...I'm a little tired...

2009-02-20T23:51:00.003-06:00

Is he saying "peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat"??? I wish I was 50+ male with a beer-belly just so I could do this dance justice.

hope this doesn't sound presumptuous but:

2009-02-15T10:26:00.005-06:00

Congratulations to ME!!!

4 1/2 months of SBS done....4 1/2 months to go.

Personally, I'm all about half way marks. It's my favourite part of a run. I WAY prefer the ride home to the way there. It's even coffee time at church! I think I like them so much because it gives me the feeling that it's all downhill from here (in the most positive way possible). From this point on, I have more behind me than I have ahead of me - and that's a good feeling.

Maybe my obsession with half-way points has to do with the fact that I have a tendency to want to skip the journey - just get me to the destination already! I remember a time (in the good old days) when I struggled so intensely with the journey that I literally wished to skip all preceding steps: "Why don't you just take me now, God, there's nothing worth much for me down here anyway." It's very cool for me to realize how far God has brought me, because I really am starting to enjoy my life-journey. And I can honestly say that last sentence isn't a lie:)

However, I still take a certain delight in that magical 50%. So I say: "Here's to me!" :)

Making Sushi with Eun Jin:

We did not plan to all wear red to the DTS grad. Maybe it was because subconsciously we were all aware of the encroachment of Valentine's Day:)

Doing a bit of climbing:

Me and dear Katie-kins:

The heart of the Law

2009-02-12T11:37:00.004-06:00

This is the law of the burnt offering, of the grain offering, of the sin offering, of the guilt offering, of the ordination offering, and of the peace offering, which the Lord commanded Moses on Mount Sinai, on the day that he commanded the people of Israel to bring their offerings to the Lord, in the wilderness of Sinai.
Leviticus 7:37-38
Leviticus. (**shudder**). Or so often the response goes (I usually save my shudder for Numbers' oh-so-exciting census lists). It makes me sad that we contemplate particular books of the Bible with dread, and only mention them in the context of negative emotion. This feeling has been multiplied in my heart during my week of studying the book of Leviticus. I kind of had two things going on at once this week: on the one hand I was being hit by the wonder of God's intense desire for fellowship with his people (so much so that he was willing to go through the lengths of the details of the law to enable his presence to dwell in their midst). On the other hand I was experiencing a severe case of lethargy and lack of desire to "seek out the treasures" that I was so frustratingly aware were there.

Take for instance the offerings. Leviticus begins with a bang (that's one way of putting it, I guess:). In Leviticus 1:1, God immediately begins to instruct his people regarding the way they were to bring him offerings: "When any one of you brings an offering to the Lord..." The implicit assumption is that the people would be bringing offerings - God is simply telling them how to do it right. Why is this so important? Because God is holy. And any attempt to approach him in a manner that failed to take into account the danger of a human encounter with the consuming holiness of God could only end in disaster (See Leviticus 10 for how that ended up for Abihu and Nadab).

There is so much behind the offerings than first meets the eye. Let's start with the burnt offering. This offering was a voluntary sacrifice in which the offerer brought an unblemished animal from the flock or herd to be entirely burnt upon the altar. The reason God required the offering to come from the herd was because then it had cost the donor something (otherwise it wasn't really a sacrifice). The fact that it was a voluntary offering and that it was the only kind to be completely consumed on the altar makes it a symbol of dedicating one's entire self to God. God invited the donor to become an active participant in this offering by commanding them to place their hand on the head of the animal to be sacrificed. In this way they were identifying themselves with the animal and acknowledging that its death was a substitutionary sacrifice for their own (Lev 1:1-9). God even included a provision for the poor to be able to present this offering (by allowing them to bring a pigeon or turtledove if they could not afford a bull or a goat (Lev 1:14)). What kind of God is this - who makes exceptions for the poor to enable them to approach him??

Or what about the peace offering - an offering with the sole purpose for God to be able to feast and fellowship with his people? In this offering, the donor was invited to eat of their sacrifice, thus making them a partaker of the table of God (Lev 7:11-18). God's desire to break bread with his people astounds me! It reminds me of Jesus, who was constantly being challenged for his failure to fast (Luke 5:33) and tendency to table-fellowship with questionable characters (Matt 9:11). The correlation of the peace offering with Jesus, an exact and accurate representation of the Father (John 14:9-11), demonstrates that God's heart for fellowship wasn't a "new" part of God's character that only belongs to the new covenant. God is consistent and constant and unfailingly persistent in his pursuit of man.

The grain offering (often offered in conjunction with the burnt offering) was essentially the sacrifice of a part of the donor's harvest that he/she could have kept for themselves and their families to eat. Thus, this offering was an expression of thankfulness for God's provision and of faith that God would continue to meet all of their needs (Lev 2:1-16). This reminds me of Jesus' admonition to keep from worry regarding incidentals like food and drink. God knows when the sparrow falls; how much more does he care for man who is made in his image?

The sin and guilt offerings were mandatory offerings to be made to atone for sin. These offerings were significant because they were the ones that enabled God (who is holy) to tabernacle with his fallen man (Lev 4:1-6:7). Thus, these offerings were a part of the outstretched hand of God to maintain fellowship with his people. Sherry, one of the SBS staff, pointed out how it's interesting that God referred to sinning against one's neighbour as a "breach of faith" (Lev 6:1). This highlights God's primary desire for the faith of his people (not a rote adherence to law) and demonstrates the ultimate reason for breaking the law of God - a lack of faith in him as the one who is able and willing to meet all of our needs. It is these offerings that are so overwhelmingly fulfilled by the sacrifice of Christ:

But when Christ appeared as a high priest of the good things that have come, then through the greater and more perfect tent (not made with hands, that is, not of this creation) he entered once for all into the holy places, not by means of the blood of goats and calves but by means of his own blood, thus securing an eternal redemption. For if the blood of goats and bulls, and the sprinkling of defiled persons with the ashes of a heifer, sanctify for the purification of the flesh, how much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to God, purify our conscience from dead works to serve the living God. Hebrews 9:11-14

The perfection of Christ's sacrifice secured the complete atonement for sin, making the physical sacrifices and offerings no longer necessary (Heb 10:18)

The sacrifices don't just demonstrate the heart of God for fellowship with his people (as if they were some kind of frosting on the cake) - their entire purpose was to be a visual and physical enactment of the people's heart for God and his heart for them. This is confirmed by the prophets and psalmists again and again, whom God uses to say to his people: "You give me burnt offerings and grain offerings, but they mean NOTHING to me - what I want is obedience, trust, a broken and contrite spirit, care for social justice, steadfastness, humility, thankfulness and simplicity" (See 1 Sam 15:22-23, Psa 51:16-17, Amos 5:21-24, Hos 6:6, Isa 1:10-17, Micah 6:6-8, Jer 6:19-20, Psa 50:7-15).

The contrast evident in Proverbs 15:8 illustrates best just how much worth God puts on the sacrifices themselves: “The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord, but the prayer of the upright is acceptable to him.” God is after our hearts, and if he as that, then a simple prayer means more to him than entire flocks and herds of burnt offerings. And that was the desire of his heart right from the start.

**Special thanks to Sherry Maraci for pretty much all of the aforementioned thoughts:)**

In the spirit of Ezekiel 33:1-9

2009-02-08T10:30:00.004-06:00

Peanut Butter-aholic that I am, I figured I would be remiss in fulfilling my responsibility to my fellow man if I failed to broadcast the peanut product recalls that the Canadian Food Inspection Agency (CFIA) has issued. Apparently these products may be contaminated with Salmonella and are thus to be avoided at all costs. I don't care how much you **need** your daily dose of "Ass Kickin' Chipotle Honey flavoured Peanuts" - this is LIFE and DEATH we are talking about people. I'm willing to take a hit from this recall too - thankfully I don't really have to because none of my favourite peanut products are on it (i.e. PC Blue Menu "Just Peanuts" Old-Fashioned Peanut Butter - Crunchy or PC Unsalted Peanuts in Shell). But that's besides the point - the point being that I am willing. And if the recall by CFIA isn't enough for you, the seriousness of the situation may be imputed by the fact that these products have been recalled in the U.S. as well (there - is that enough evidence for you Doubting Thomases???)

I was going to post the list here, but it's quite lengthy. So just follow the link - and don't say I didn't warn you!

DO NOT EAT THESE PEANUT-PRODUCTS!!!!

Pictures from Exodus Retreat

2009-02-06T23:34:00.004-06:00

The monster-size checker's game which Katie slaughtered me at:

Some hardcore puzzlers:

Prayer/Worship Time:

Sun teaching us relaxation techniques (which I utterly failed at):

Jin Sook and me:

Dinner time with Katie:

Christi taking a time-out (or was it a penalty?):

Some hardcore v-ballers:

*I can fly* (thought Katie):

Jess lounging by our beautiful fire place:

After the retreat we played "Exodus Jeopardy". It was quite intense - emotions flared, mothers were insulted, honesty was questioned - but we ended it all with a big group hug:

Blessed am I among women

2009-02-06T11:55:00.007-06:00

Perhaps it's sacrilegious to assume for myself a phrase attributed to Mary, mother of Jesus, but I just cannot help myself. I feel so abundantly blessed beyond any expectation; I'm thinking Mary must've felt a little something like that.

My story begins on Monday morning, during our lecture on the book of Exodus. At the end of the class we received a hand-out entitled Exodus Assignment: Part 1. This assignment was to be due Wednesday at noon. Now according to the schedule we received at the start of the quarter, Exodus was not supposed to be due until Friday at 5:30 pm. So panic rippled throughout the ranks as we anticipated cramming our workload into a significantly less amount of time.

Tamara then handed out Exodus Assignment: Part 2. "Stephanie," she instructed, "can you begin by reading point 1?"

My brain didn't quite cognate the words that came out of my mouth: "1. Pack your bags. Bring sleeping bag, towel, clothes, toiletries. Pack light so we can all fit." Katie carried on by reading the second point: "2. Go for a walk. Enjoy a nice leisurely stroll through the bush. Explore." We read on:

3. Sit and chat. Enjoy the company of good friends and get to know each other more.
4. Play floor hockey. Get off the chair and out into the gym for some exercise and fun.
5. Goof off
6. Slide down a hill. Enjoy the snow! Claim a tube, link arms with someone and fly down the hill.
7. Worship. Enjoy God and worship him for the incredible God that he is!
8. Read a book or play a game. Bring reading material, games or puzzles.
9. Be silly.
10. Sleep in. Catch up on those late nights and long days.
11. Watch a movie.
12. Eat food without having to clean up afterwards.
13. Rest and enjoy this time of relaxation - You are going on an Exodus retreat!!

There seemed to be a split between perception and comprehension. I thought that maybe I had known what these words meant at one point in my life - words like "fun", "sleeping in," "relaxation" and "eating without cleaning up afterward" - but they seemed to be a distant memory. As if they dwelled on the very edges of reality - the stuff of fantasy and childhood fancy, a land where unicorns dwell and the pot at the end of the rainbow is found.

The staff could only laugh at our dumbfounded expressions. Our silent reception of the news made it apparent we didn't quite realize that we were going on a holiday. I think it took a good half an hour for the news to sink in. And what a glorious half-hour that was.

The Exodus retreat was everything I needed and more. I lazed, I walked, I read, I ate, I slept. I spent 45 minutes at the dinner table rather than 15. I didn't check my email at all for one whole day (don't laugh...I have an addiction). We even each got our own rooms! Falling asleep without the sensation of another human presence in close proximity is an almost-forgotten sensation.

It was the perfect Sabbath. Isn't it amazing that God gave us the gift of rest? I am in awe of his goodness.

I've tried to load pictures but blogger is not my friend right now. I'll try loading some once we've patched things up.

God will provide for himself

2009-02-01T20:38:00.004-06:00

So, I took my sisters' advice and:
a. got some sleep
b. chanted "I thought I could, I thought I could"

As a result Genesis is over and done with and the Exodus train is full steam ahead. I think that I could study the first 11 chapters of Genesis for the rest of my life. It's amazing when you think of the God of the universe is the one who calls me his friend.

I'd have to say, though, that one of my favourite scenes in Genesis is the one where God calls Abraham to sacrifice Isaac (Genesis 22). I was listening to it on my iPod and was suddenly overwhelmed by how it demonstrates the goodness of God and serves as a type of the coming of Christ. God called Abraham to lay it all down and Abraham was willing to do just that; but then at the last possible second God stayed Abraham's hand and provided a substitute out of his own pocket - so to speak.

First of all, Abraham’s posture of submission challenges me in so many areas. When he made the choice to sacrifice Isaac, he was giving up more than his son (which in and of itself is HUGE). He was giving up the promises that God had made to him. God had covenanted that Isaac was to be the heir through which the entire world would be blessed (Gen 17:19). This causes me to pose myself the question - are there promises that God has given me that I would not be willing to offer up, even if God asked them of me? God wasn’t taking away Isaac because he is terrible and sadistic - but he is jealous, which just means that he wanted sole ownership of Abraham’s faith. He didn’t even want Abraham to put his hope in the promise. He wanted Abraham's hope to be the "I AM" alone.

But the demonstration of the character of God in the midst of Abraham’s sacrifice is so breathtakingly beautiful. Abraham’s unwavering faith puts it best: “God will provide for himself the lamb for a burnt offering, my son” (Gen 22:8). Even in the middle of God stripping away everything Abraham held dear, Abraham had the correct view of God as his Provider. He trusted God as a great Giver. It shows Abraham’s understanding that GOD is the one who gives promises; GOD is the one who can fulfill them in any way he chooses; GOD is worthy of the most extravagant act of worship; and GOD gives more than man could ever give.

Boy, did God ever give. He could have said, “Humanity’s sin, not my problem. You figure out a way to have relationship with me.” Instead, he went to the extent of sending his own son, the Son of God, to the earth to die an excruciating death and bring humanity into freedom.

God provided for himself on Calvary. I think we could spend a lifetime meditating on that.

the little engine that...could?

2009-01-30T22:49:00.001-06:00

mostly prove me wrong

2009-01-25T22:18:00.001-06:00

enjoy the song. it's a bit rough cuz it's live, but i thought it was appropriate.

Spring has sprung (I wish)

2009-01-17T23:40:00.006-06:00

Hi friends-

I've been informed that the Ice Age back home has broken and you are all experiencing a bit of a reprieve. I cannot complain about the weather out here - tomorrow is supposed to be a whopping 12 degrees. Yet, the warm weather is playing tricks with my head. It's like it's telling me "Ooooo....relax...spring is here...it will never get cold EVER again....ooooo." In reality it's only the middle of January - still a whole lot of winter left to go. But I'm going to milk this for all it's worth. Spring (even a faux-spring) is glorious.

So, since I've been back to the books (or rather the Book) I've studied Revelation, 1, 2 and 3 John. Revelation was awesome - I highly recommend you study it! Then we can stimulate some spirited discussions on pre-, mid-, post-trib and who the heck the seven-headed beast is:) This week coming up is the Gospel of John - could use your prayers for that one. And then...duh duh duh daaaaaa - the Old Testament. I'm excited to get into it. Bring on the Patriarchs.

Funniest moment of the week: eating Spanish rice in which the rice part of the dish mysteriously didn't get cooked. It was one crunchy dinner, made more palatable by choosing to "skip" the regularly slated chewing segment of ingestion. Went against everything my mother ever taught me about proper mealtime etiquette. I couldn't help but wonder as I was eating how my digestive tract would handle raw rice. It held up okay.

This last week the staff put on a special breakfast for the students complete with bagels, eggs, deli meats, cheese, fruit, yogurt and granola - they even served us and everything! It was quite scrumptious.

The morning also saw the beginning and end of the friendship between two little eggs named Katie and Steffie. The end being caused by their tragic consumption by two unfeeling (yet, if I may say so myself, quite attractive) homo sapiens. Poor little eggies. They didn't even know what was coming at them until it was much too late.

Last weekend Katie, Teresa and I went for a hike in Kananaskis Country. Another glorious day with another glorious view.

And for those of you who DON'T know, please pay close attention to the following advisory: sheep hunting's illegal in these them parts. So any folk planning to visit best leave any hopes of mutton for dinner, fresh off the slopes, back in Manitoba, where no such law exists. Out here we're real civilized-like and won't tolerate no red-neckin' sheep stalkers.

Holy Holy Holy (Sufjan Stevens)

2009-01-09T21:55:00.003-06:00

on returning to reality

2009-01-04T18:29:00.009-06:00

Hi all.

I'm feeling a bit like a blogaholic of late. I don't really know why I'm blogging right now. Maybe because I'm feeling a little lonely and kind of displaced. I think, cheezy as it may sound, the U2 lyric sums it up best: "I'm stuck in a moment and I can't get out of it." I'm thinking I'm probably just mourning the loss of my holidays; as my brother Sherwood would classify it, the "Sunday-night blues" (which is the mini-depression one experiences Sunday evening at the prospect of returning to work after the weekend).

Yet, I think there might be something more to this funk. Home is wonderful, but it has a way of reverting one back to familiar tendencies. Old habits die hard. This can be good, or it can be really, really bad. At the same time as I experienced the wonder of Christmas and the beauty of family and friends, old demons seemed to resurrect themselves in their old haunting grounds. I found myself battling issues I pray to God will one day be over and done.

I left Niverville at 5:30 this morning and spent most of the flight to Calgary journalling. Over the course of the flight I realized that I was gearing myself up to do penance upon my return to Turner Valley. Clearly it was necessary. I felt I had failed miserably, and only the proper amount of self-deprecation would be sufficient to undo the damage.

But that's a lie. A lie that I LOVE to believe. I take peculiar delight in censuring myself. Why am I addicted to melancholy? I'm guessing because it's a lot easier to wallow than to slap myself across the face. It *feels* better to bemoan my shortcomings than to choose to set them aside and confidently cling to the hope I have in Christ. However, to quote my sister Ruth, "feelings are stealings", which makes me wonder how much I've lost because I neglect the truth that His power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Cor 12:9).

My human mind-set finds this difficult to grasp. It's not tangible to me. I can be a bit of a literalist - I like to see, taste, touch and smell reality. God seems to be telling me that maybe reality is bigger than my senses. Oh, but how I adore the senses! I set them up as my gods and fall down to worship them every time I look to them as the source of truth. But that cannot be. It is, in fact, sin. God has given me the world - EVERYTHING I need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). He doesn't just yell at me, "TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN" (as I like to say to my nieces and nephews); he also gives me the ability to do so. All I need to do is take that tiny little step and recognize it.

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen" Hebrews 11:1

Christmas 2008

2009-01-02T19:40:00.010-06:00

Well, I've officially frozen my butt off - and all for the sake of nostalgia. I *could* have spent my Christmas in Alberta, with the ever-present hope of a chinook just around the corner. But no. My family practically dragged me home for the holidays - kicking and screaming (or was I kicking and screaming because I was so excited??...it's all a blur at this point). But seriously, Manitoba weather should be blacklisted. Every time I step out our front door it takes more layers than I have the patience to count and a good dose of self-talk in order for me to make it to my destination. I'm pretty sure that today my body was exposed to temperatures that even polar bears would boycott.

Complaining aside (for now), I guess my Christmas wasn't half-bad. Of course, we decorated the gingerbread houses, which we pass out when we go caroling on Christmas Eve. While artistic endeavours tend to stress me out (because of my complete lack of artistic ability) it was an enjoyable time of reconnecting with family. Complete with a debate on the nature of predestination in which we ended as much as friends as we were before:)

My little sister (who also happens to be married??!!) had some girls over to her home (yikes!) for a Christmas party. Shy Ky made us these shirts with her cartoon characters on them, whom she calls "Bucks" (they have big buck teeth which you can't really see in the picture). This is my and Mel's attempt at making whoever looks at this picture feel like they're an idiot and don't deserve to be in the same vicinity as us. Unfortunately, I'm a little too good at that look.

Um...I don't know who these people are. And if it looks like I do, it's because I'm trying to make them feel better about themselves.

I think she was a hobo. I dropped a couple quarters at her feet, anyway.

Traditionally we play Monopoly on Christmas Eve. However, I received the uber-random game of Quelf for Christmas, so we played that instead. At this particular point in the game, Sherwood was wearing my sock which he had nicknamed Soggy, Eric and I are holding hands because we occupied the same space on the board, and Mel had to have one hand on the floor at all times. Other highlights included Brian and Eric's game of leapfrog, Sherwood's lymric about a blood-sucking mosquito that never got written, and Brian's deliberation on whether or not Shakespeare had written a play titled "Romeo and Quelfilet."

Christmas morning and our PLETHORA of stockings. Our family has quite literally exploded.

Our Christmas Day is usually quite quiet, which makes puzzling ideal. My dad can get slightly stressed when we lay a puzzle out (he thinks we need to remain sitting there until it's completely finished). This year, however, he handled the stress very well.

Me and Squishy (aka Eliora)

The infamous Armbruster-Braun family gathering. While our gift exchanges are usually particularly bad, this year was especially so as we were restricted to spending only $2 and that at the local Thrift Store. I broke the rules slightly and spent $3 on this amazing flourescent orange Manitoba Hunter's jacket. It was so worth it.

I'm wondering what's going through his little head. Lucky guy.

Our **crazy** New Years party. Just some of my homies keeping it real.

Being the good sister that she is (and in response to my own awesomeness) Melodie attempted to braid my hair - made slightly difficult due to its length, but I made sure she got 'er done.

At my Uncle Peter's birthday party the three cousins discovered they'd all dressed in a similar theme (grey on black). They also discovered they had similarly ridiculous expressions on their faces. This had to be captured.

Okay, so maybe I lied at the beginning of this post. Christmas was way better than "not half-bad." It was, to steal a line from 13 Going on 30, "totally awesome" and SO WORTH my frostbitten toes.

I make all things new

2009-01-01T13:48:00.004-06:00

There's a line from the film, The Passion of the Christ, that gives me shivers every time I hear it:
"Behold Mother, I make all things new"
The source of this quote is the book of Revelation; hence, it was probably not spoken by Jesus during his earthly trial and execution. Yet, I think it appropriate that Mel Gibson applied it to his film because it neatly sums the ultimate intention of Christ in coming to earth. Because of Christ's death and resurrection, mankind was given the hope of becoming what Paul calls a "new creation", which simply means that our former life of slavery to sin has been put to death (2 Cor 5:17). In its place we have received his Spirit, enabling us to live in Him and through Him and for Him.

This short little phrase is jam-packed with implication. Along with the personal promise of transformation, it also points towards the end of all time when all that is broken and fragmented in this world (i.e. old) will pass away. We can experience the reality of Christ's promise of newness in the midst of this present age, but it's a "now and not yet" type of phenomenon. Right now we see through a glass darkly --but then we shall see face to face (1 Cor 13:12).

My prayer for you in this new year is a fresh experience of the newness of Christ. One of my favourite Bible verses is Lamentations 3:22-23, and if you've spend a significant amount of time with me you'll have probably heard me rant about the revelation I once had regarding it:

"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness"

God promised NEW mercies every single morning. We don't have to re-use the ones he gave us yesterday, or even rely on the hope that perhaps he'll provide them to us freshly laundered. Each day they are brand spanking new!

Whatever the trials and triumphs of 2008, we've been given a fresh slate in 2009. We can't control much of what will happen in the year we are anticpating: not the economic downturn, the possibility of personal tragedy, nor the potential of political upheaval. What we DO have control over is our personal response to each circumstance we find ourselves in. Every day we can experience Christ's promise of the rebirth of the deadness of our own hearts, and every day we can be reminded that our ultimate hope is in that perfect Day -- when Death itself will be no more and God will once again dwell with men (Rev 21:3-4)

Happy NEW year!

the foolishness of God

2008-12-24T10:46:00.002-06:00

"For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written, “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and the discernment of the discerning I will thwart.” Where is the one who is wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since, in the wisdom of God, the world did not know God through wisdom, it pleased God through the folly of what we preach to save those who believe. For Jews demand signs and Greeks seek wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than men and the weakness of God is stronger than men. For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”
1 Corinthians 1:18-31

While these verses are very clearly about the “foolishness” of the cross, I can’t help but consider them in light of the Nativity. That God himself would condescend to take the form of a human baby - that wets itself and depends on its mother to sustain its life – well, it’s just madness! But this absurd humbling of the God of the universe was part of the mystery of his glorious plan to reconcile all of mankind to himself (2 Cor 5:18-19).

The humility of Christ demonstrated by God’s invasion of earth (and it really was an invasion!!) is mentioned a lot in “Christian circles” at Christmas. However, I find myself coming back to it again and again, convinced that I have no idea how huge it is - and the implications it imposes on me. I find humility a hard thing to wrap my head around. I want it to be an action word in my life, but then I have the wonderful tendency of getting caught up by the “need” to determine my motivations and the motivation behind my motivation until my mind is so tied up into knots that I can’t do anything but sit in solipsistic reverie. All this in the name of wisdom; “Know thyself” my apparent mantra. Self-preservation emerges as my dominant value. I've gotta ensure my “authentic self” makes it 'til the end, right?

But then I have the example of Christ:

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in
Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. Philippians 2:5-7

Christ – in what man’s wisdom would declare to be utter foolishness – did not grasp his rights as God (worship, honour, recognition) but took the form of a helpless babe. And that was just the beginning of his ravaged pride. He was raised by a poor family, which basically guarantees he was well-acquainted with the piercing sensation of hunger and tediousness of hard work. When he began his ministry, the crowds flocked to him, but the persecution was just as strong. His own family didn’t even understand him and his betrayal was by the kiss of one of his best friends. He endured the excruciating death by crucifixion – complete with desertion by those who hours earlier had pledged unrelenting allegiance and mockery by those who had no idea that he was dying for them. And he did this all without raising his voice in a justified defence.

Equally foolish is the result of this extreme example of humility – life for you and life for me. It was we, we who wallowed in the stench and filth of our own sin, that proved to be the instigators of Christ’s lowering of himself to enter the womb of a young Jewish girl. This is mind-blowing!!! The demonstration of this crazy love of the Creator of the universe and Saviour of my soul demands that I live my life in a responding correspondence.

What is weak? What is foolish? Is it weakness if I choose to swallow my own opinion in preference for another’s? Is it foolishness to spend 9 months of my life in a non-accredited Bible program? Is it weakness to need my family’s support? Is it foolish to work at crushing my desire for recognition?

This Christmas, Christ’s example has reminded me that I am just a small piece of the Grand Puzzle of God. I don't see the whole picture, but I do get brief glimpses of it. And those glimpses are so breathtaking that I have to give my life in pursuit of it. This involves a setting aside of the things my culture tell me are wisdom and strength; the Nativity (and crucifixion) show me that God sees things just a little bit differently.

In the words immortalized by my Father:
Merry Christmas everyone...a VERY, MERRY Christmas!!!

i'll be home for christmas

2008-12-21T23:23:00.003-06:00

Or rather I AM home for Christmas. I didn't think I'd make it - it was a mad rush to finish the last 2 books and the Psalms assignment that was due. I ended up doing my Psalms assignment 3 times (first time I had done the entire assignment on the wrong psalm; the second time it didn't save when I closed the file...oh joy). Then I had 2 hours to run around with my head chopped off as I packed my suitcase and cleaned my room - which, by the way, looked like it had thrown up all over itself. Then I got to the airport and discovered my suitcase was SIXTEEN POUNDS over the limit. How embarrassing, especially since I'm only home for 2 weeks! I rearranged my luggage and was then informed my carry-on was too heavy. A bit more rearranging and all was sorted - and I was still able to bring everything I had originally packed. Don't you just love the logic of airline luggage policies? After the joys of flight delays and snowy roads, I made it home at 3:00 am Saturday morning. And here I am, already in the throes of an Armbruster Family Christmas: gingerbread houses are decorated, butter tarts are baked, Christmas presents are bought, and a puzzle is in progress.

It's good to be home.

Just wanted to share one of my absolute favourite scenes of all time from the movie version of Charle's Dickens' classic, "A Christmas Carol." However, I couldn't find a black and white version (which is WAY better) and the only clip I could find includes a bit more than the particular scene I wanted to share. I'd suggest start watching the scene at the 2:00 mark until about 5:20. It's so wonderful. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

reasons to hope

2008-12-17T15:16:00.003-06:00

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen"
Hebrews 11:1

So, I've been thinking about my reasons for hope. Kind of a scary question to ask yourself. "So you mean, just because my parents raised me as a Christian isn't good enough??" Sorry, no.

Maybe I should first explain just what it is that I have hope in. No wait - hold the phone - I should begin by explaining why I feel the need to have hope in the first place. Square one.

Namely, I see the need for hope because there is not much hope in this little old world of ours. Just what is the purpose of life? If this world is all there is, what's the point? Why do good, be moral, care for the planet if it's all going to end for me at death? It doesn't make sense to me. Some may say, "You really live ethically, not for yourself but for the sake of others and next generations." But why would I do this if these 80 years are all I've got? I may as well milk them for all their worth. I also see in myself certain tendencies which naturally lead me towards a hopelessness concerning the human condition. I think Paul sums it up quite nicely:

"I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate...I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out."*

Anyone relate to this cosmic battle of the mind? Personally, I have no problems admitting that I'm a sinner and in my own strength I cannot make myself do good. And in this I feel the need for something supernatural.

Enter Hope, whom I also like to call Jesus. Though I have not seen him, I love him. Though I do not now see him, I believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible.^ His life, death and resurrection are the source of my hope that:
1. My sin no longer separates me from God
2. The Spirit God has given me enables me to cease from sinning
3. This world is not my home; thus suffering is to be expected and endured
4. All suffering is temporary; my hope of salvation is eternal

And now for the big WHY:
1. The historical accuracy of the Bible which enables my faith in its ability to lead to salvation.
2. I consider the "closed universe" explanation of creation insufficient given the variety, complexity and delicate balance of life on this planet.
3. Without God, there is no adequate justification for a moral law.
4. Personally, I've experienced the way this hope has given me peace. I have struggled with many, intense fears, which my hope in Christ have put to rest.
5. This hope gives me purpose. I can endure suffering, serve others and live a life of delayed gratification because I have an eternal perspective that is unable to be snuffed out by anything in this world.
6. The lives of "spiritual giants", men and women of faith, some of whom I know both personally and others I've met only through their writings. Level-headed men and women who have lived for a hope not of this world: Uncle Peter and Auntie Agnes, GK Chesterton, CS Lewis, Jackie Pullinger, Ron and Judy Smith, John and Christel McNeill, Philip Yancey, Dallas Willard to name a few.
7. I wouldn't be telling the complete truth if I didn't include my family in my reasons for hope. Not only were they the ones who first led me to this Truth, they show me everyday the possibility of living out. I've witnessed the way they contend for this hope in their own lives, which builds up my own courage and tenacity to persevere.

I hope this explanation makes sense. If not, please feel free to ask me any questions. Let's wrestle through this thing together. Because ultimately, my prayer for you this Christmas season is that you too will encounter the Hope of the world that I have come to know and love.

*Romans 7:15, 18
^adapted from 1 Peter 1:8

imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

2008-12-06T22:40:00.003-06:00

I just had to share some preciousness. It's nice to know that my long-distance promises of french-fry dates are maintaining my hold on Shi-she's heart. She's going to grow up to be just like me one day. I know it.

procrastination 101

2008-12-06T09:39:00.005-06:00

"All work and no play is detrimental to your mental health." I am procrastinating. I don't want to do another chart. And the thought of having to do 6 more books in less than two weeks is starting the hyperventilation process. And my cells don't need ANY more oxygen, thank you very much. MOM - TELL ME TO BREATHE!!!

So, to help me get over this hurdle I thought I'd do a blog post of some of the fun times I've had out here. Hope you enjoy!

A memory from the IKEA stop on our 3-hour drive search for Chinook Mall (which everyone kept telling us was just straight down McLeod). I swear we saw at least 4 "different" Bingo halls down McLeod. Calgary really should look into solving their gambling problem.

Katie, Teresa and I had the delight of catching a few people with our "purple mint" prank. Teresa had some pills from the dentist which highlight all the plaque in your mouth. In consideration of the others, I thought I'd post a picture of my lovely mouth.
We had the brilliant idea of wearing the same clothes for a week to see if anyone noticed. Let me tell you, after this week I've never appreciated jeans so much in my life.

The stocking I decorated and was quite proud of. My artistic skills are well below par. I felt my end prouduct was a triumph of the human will.

"Thinking like a windmill"

Group shot after our snowball fight. Check out Katie's blog for a video montage of this fiasco. For the photo, Katie wanted me to jump with her. Unfortunately she didn't give me enough time for her request to reach the cognitive part of my brain, thus resulting in her simply taking me out. (But that's normal for our relationship).

"I am woman hear me roar!" I think I look quite fierce.

And to round out the collection, I thought I'd include one of my usual position for 8-12 hours of every day. Hopefully this will help me transition back into work mode...which I really must be getting back to! "Think like a rock!!!"

Love you all! See you in less than 2 weeks!!!!

women teachers??

2008-11-29T23:22:00.007-06:00

1 Timothy 2:12
I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather she is to remain quiet.

What do I, as a woman, do with a verse like this? Am I to understand that the Bible forbids me from ever teaching or being in any position of authority over a man? Does this mean that Christian women who are CEOs, entrepreneurs and professors are actually living in opposition to biblical truth? If this is the case, we need to seriously consider how we can justify picking and choosing to adhere to some parts of the Bible and not others. If the Bible is truth, then it is Truth.

But is this really what Paul is saying? How does this coincide with Galatians 3:28:

"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no
male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."

Or what about the women Paul commended as his fellow workers: Phoebe "our sister . . . a servant [or deaconess] of the church at Cenchreae" (Romans 16:1), Priscilla "my fellow worker[] in Christ . . . to whom not only I give thanks but all the churches of the Gentiles" (Romans 16:3), and Junia "who [is] of note among the apostles" (Romans 16:7).

Or what about the Genesis account of Creation, which affirms male and female as equal and complementary? They are created of the same essence (Gen 2:23), image-bearers of God (Gen 1:26-27) and both mandated to rule the created order (Gen 1:28).

Is Paul being schizophrenic?

An emphatic NO! In order to understand what's going on here we need to go back to the historical occasion of 1 Timothy. Forgive me - my sketch will be brief.

1 Timothy was written to Timothy (obviously), whom Paul had left in Ephesus to put the church in order. Ephesus was the fourth largest city in the Roman empire. It was considered the gateway to Asia, and through it oriental culture spread further west. Mystery religions, a direct influence from trade with the Orient, had reached this area by 300 B.C. They were an attempt to escape the physical world through magic or elevated wisdom. The primary deities in Ephesus were female, and the maternal aspect was glorified in a manner almost unknown further west. At the same time, there lived a large Jewish population in Ephesus; the mixing of Jewish culture with Greek philosophy and mythology was almost inevitable. It especially showed itself in distortions of the creation story of Genesis.*

While Gnosticism only became full blown in the 2nd century, the seeds of it were no doubt present in the 1st. The Gnostics taught that all matter was evil; thus, because he created the material world the Hebrew God was evil. One Gnostic teaching was of Eve as the originator of Adam and superior over him. She was not deceived by the serpent; rather her disobedience resulted in superior knowledge (enlightenment) and was therefore a good thing. Gnosticism was circulated in a large part by women.*

Enter Paul's letter to Timothy.

From 1 Timothy we can gather that Paul is dealing with distortions to the character of God (1:20), those who are chasing after myths and endless genealogies (1:4), promoting asceticism (4:3) and are devoted to special knowledge (6:20). The nature of the false teaching in Ephesus sounds very much like an infantile form of Gnosticism. Paul's particular address to young widows who have become idlers and gossips "saying what they should not" (5:13) strengthens this hypothesis. Perhaps these women, influenced by dualism, considered their single state as more preferable to marriage and were involved in the propagation of myths associated with Gnosticism. Paul's concern for the purity of the gospel of Christ is evident throughout his letters (Gal 1:6-9; 1 Cor 2:1-5; 2 Cor 11:14; Col 1:23). The urgency Paul felt to correct this perversion of the gospel must have been incredibly strong.

That's the background. But even if you just look a little closer at the simple text (uh...maybe simple is not the right word) it becomes even clearer what Paul is saying.

"Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness"
First of all, the emphasis is on the woman's ability to learn. In Jewish tradition, women could not learn the Torah. Second, the phrase "quietly with all submissiveness" is a Near Eastern implication of willingness to heed instruction - in this case the word of God. The "quiet" is not a literal silence, but refers to a heart attitude.

"I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather she is to remain quiet"
Didaskein, the word used for "teach" in this context, always refers to a specific teaching (not teaching in general). Since the context of 1 Timothy is false teaching, the prohibition can be taken against women teaching false doctrine (especially considering the other Scriptural examples of women teaching and in ministry).

Authentein is the word used for authority. Interestingly, it is the only time that this particular word is used in the New Testament. This word has four different meanings:
1. to begin something, to be primarily responsible for a condition or action (esp. murder)
2. to rule, to dominate
3. to usurp power or rights from another
4. to claim ownership, sovereignty or authorship.

Consider the literary context: in v13-14 Paul writes, "For Adam was formed first, then Eve and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor."
Consider the historical context: the Gnostic twisting of the Genesis story of creation and Eve's position of prominence

Considering these 2 contexts, the 4th definition of authentein seems to be the one Paul is referring to. An alternative translation for 1 Timothy 2:12-13 could thus be:

"I do not permit a woman to teach not to represent herself as
originator of man but she is to be in conformity (with the Scriptures).
For Adam was created first, then Eve."^

Wow. You know, I've never been seriously confronted by the belief that women should not be teachers. I've seen it in my home church and I've always been fairly secure in my equal status as a woman. But studying the Scriptures for myself and being convinced that this is exactly in conformity with Scripture makes me feel affirmed in a way that I haven't felt in a long time. I'm not interested in doing Scriptural gymnastics in order to get the Bible to say what I want it to say. But considering the seeming incongruity of 1 Tim 2:12 with the rest of Scripture and the reality of the difficulties posed by a Greek translation, I don't think I've been bending over backwards to get the Bible to say what I want it to say.

I must admit, I have some fears publishing this post - especially because I am a woman. I never want to sound like a disgruntled feminist, up in arms and ready to crucify any man who stands in my way. This is not my heart. But I've been challenged by my responsibility to stand up for the rights of those who are unable to stand up for themselves. For those whose giftings have been suffocated and abilities forced to lie dormant. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Bless you guys.

*Kroeger, Richard Clark and Catherine. I suffer not a Woman. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Baker Books, 1992.
^Glass, Melissa, "1 Timothy 2:11-15." 2000.

2008-11-27T22:33:00.005-06:00

It's been a while, I know. I really want to write something at least half-baked, but unfortunately my brain is fried and I don't usually like to mix my metaphors. Besides, you don't usually bake something after you've fried it. It's kind of a domestic law.

Thought you might enjoy this video series. I like to call it "Overcoming my fear of doing a cartwheel in an enclosed space while Katie does her best to make me fail."

like pulling hen's teeth

2008-11-15T00:09:00.009-06:00

What a night.

So, we're currently studying the book of Ephesians at what those of us entrenched in unstoppable drive of the SBS-world we would call a leisurely pace. "Yes!", thought I, "I'm totally going to finish by Friday night and have all weekend to chill . . . unless of course I decide to get a head start on the next book." (Which, knowing me, is more than likely).

I started off with good intentions. My afternoon was as smooth as cream. My lovely roommate and I drove to Okotoks to study at Good Earth for a couple of hours. We made it back for a delicious (and authentic) Korean feast! It was then that my "troubles" began.

On my way to my room (and to work) I stopped in Katie and Christi's room for a brief chat . . . and ended up wrapping myself in a blanket, listening to the out-pourings of a beautiful heart, and experiencing a special time of comfortable intimacy.

No problem - I was only an hour behind schedule. I could still pump out the charts and finish by the end of the night. I set the mood with Jon Foremen, turned out the light, turned on the lamp, crawled into my bed and dove into the Scriptures. I was on a roll.

Then sweet Christi stopped by, and I set my laptop aside to listen to my friend share a bit of her story with me and receive the encouragement she had for me. Half an hour or so later, she left me to my work. And while my head was getting less and less efficient, my heart was getting warmer.

But I was not to be gainsaid and back to the drawing board I went. After a short while I heard a timid knock on the door. "Come in," chimed I, and in popped Sun with several questions. We ended up talking about our various struggles in inductively approaching the Bible, and left each other encouraged that we dealt with similar mountains. We face only that which is common to man. Happy thought.

I settled back in and not 10 minutes later my roommate Teresa came back from her evening with her family. Teresa has big dreams and loves to share them - and I love listening to her because she encourages me to dream bigger and live louder. Half an hour or so later I was reminded of the security of my identity in Christ and that the will of God is as near as the present.

When Teresa slipped out of the room to get ready for bed, I quickly ran over to the classroom to find a book to help me with a monster-progression about the mystery of the intimacy between Christ and the church (Tell me about it!!). There I ran into Katie and Phil, studiously searching the threads of YouTube for video clips of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas." It didn't take much to cajole me into staying longer than I anticipated:)

I returned to my room in hopes of at least finishing a bit more before heading to bed. And yet I now find myself writing of my strange night to my friends and family back home. It was like pulling hen's teeth trying to get any homework done tonight. By the standards of my hopes of productivity it was absolutely useless! A complete waste of time!

But now, as it approaches midnight and my charts in a sad state of incompletion, all I can think about is how much I received tonight. I learned a lot about the value of relationships: Katie showed me the healing power of communication; Christi, the value of encouragement. Sun helped me realize the importance of sharing a burden; Teresa, the need to share a dream; and last but definitely not least, Katie (again) and Phil reminded me that sometimes you just gotta have fun.

I can say with confidence that given the choice, I wouldn't have spent tonight any other way. Not for the world.

home sweet home

2008-11-09T23:49:00.004-06:00

another whirlwind trip to manitoba is over and gone. i'm beginning to feel like one of those wealthy business men who works in one province and flies home to another for the weekend. except for the wealthy part. and the male part.

i was home to be a part of my good friend wanda's wedding. if you're reading this wanda, i wish you and elmer EVERY happiness. i am so proud to call you my friend.

here are some highlights from the day-trip:) as my older and wiser sister would say, "you can dress her up but you just can't take her out."

the right to love

2008-11-07T08:15:00.005-06:00

I have a right to a lot of things. Here are some things off the top of my head:

to watch whatever I want to watch
to express myself by my clothes
to pursue education
to be anti-social
to be encouraged
to not have my feelings hurt
to eat
to sleep
for people not to be rude to me

What about to love?

To love? But isn't that more of an option? Can't I just choose to love? When and where I want? Who and what? And IF i want?

And love puts restraints on me. Love means I am preferring another. Setting another before myself. What if my right to be anti-social means a good friend is lonely? What if my right to watch a particular show offends my mom? What if my right to eat becomes a worship of my body?

The Apostle Paul had a lot of rights. He had a right to eat whatever he wanted to eat. In his culture, meat was not a readily available resource, especially among the poor. Probably the only time the poor got to eat meat was during the festivals for the gods, which meant it was probably sacrificed to idols.* This fact didn't matter to Paul, for he knew that food wouldn't commend him to God. What did matter to him, though, was the conscience of a believer who thought this was sin. If he ate meat in the prescence of such a one, he was responsible for defiling that person's conscience, and who knew where that would lead:

"Therefore," says Paul, "if food makes my brother stumble, I will never eat
meat, lest I make my brother stumble." 1 Cor 8:13

This raises a lot of questions in my mind. What if "my brother" has a problem with something ridiculous? What if "my brother" is walking in judgment? What if "my brother" hasn't quite made it to my level of spiritual understanding?

Hmm...let's see what Paul has to say about that.

Looking. Looking. Looking.

Um, unfortunately I can't find anything.

This is what I found:

Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up 1 Cor 8:1
If I have spiritual gifts, but not love, I am useless 1 Cor 13:1-3
Love doesn't boast in one's freedom 1 Cor 13:4
Love does not demand its own way 1 Cor 13:5
Love bears, believes, hopes and endures everything 1 Cor 13:7
Let everything you do be done in love 1 Cor 16:14

Why would I allow my rights to give way to love? Paul gives the reason:

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in
part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known." 1 Cor 13:12

Here on this earth, we don't have the full picture. We see things dimly, as in a poor reflection of a distorted mirror. But one day everything will become as clear and genuine as a dear friend standing right before our eyes. And because we're not there yet, it's best to defer to Love. Because what we do know, is that Love will never end (1 Cor 13:8).

Yes, sometimes my right really is a freedom. But if I cannot give up that freedom, it really isn't a freedom. If I need it, I am bound to it. If I am bound to it, I am a slave.

If we're honest with ourselves we'll recognize that we're all slaves of something. What is it that you want to be a slave of? For me, I'd rather be a slave of Love, than of anything else. Paul's imitation of Christ challenges me to a different way of living:

"For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all."
1 Cor 9:19

*Judy Smith, "1 Corinthians Lecture," November 4, 2008

question: what is wrong with this picture?

2008-10-26T19:27:00.011-05:00

answer: nothing. the laundry basket is exactly where it should be. in my room.

unfortunately such was not always the case with this little laundry basket of mine. as i was readying myself for bed at about 12:30 am i realized that while i knew i had removed my laundry from the dryer, in my room the basket was no where to be found. so i spent 10 minutes roaming the halls, checking any nook and cranny where i may have set it down. just as i was about to give up, i took a quick peek into the community kitchen. lo and behold, there found i my little lost sheep.

sigh. finding things can be so difficult when one's mother isn't around.

question: what is wrong with this picture?

answer: nothing. there has most definitely always been a hedge along this pathway.

unfortunately, i had forgotten of its existence when, in need of a burst of energy, i decided to run around the building at 10 o'clock at night. i was rudely reminded as i flew through the air and landed on the other side of it on my face.

sigh. it's so hard to be normal when life is determined to throw such curveballs at you.

however, the unmarried state is hard to beat

2008-10-19T23:30:00.003-05:00

the mr and the mrs

2008-10-19T22:35:00.010-05:00

the wedding was amazing. i laughed. i cried. i froze my butt. it was a whirlwind of incredible moments that have somehow melded together into one big grin upon my face.

i spent the week sleeping with mel in her room. we had shared a single bed until i was in grade 2, so it brought us waaaaaay back. every night we said "ganala", the shortened form of "good night, i love you" that we had made up in grade school (since mel considered the entire phrase too long and i refused to go to bed without hearing it).

mel "was the bride of my dreams." she was beautiful and blushing. she was radient and real. i loved knowing her special day was exactly the way she wanted it to be. it was so her (and eric, too:). from the jon foreman to the polaroid guestbook to the scarves the bridesmaids wore to the gourmet pizza to the glass coke bottles to the rice krispie wedding cake to eric's "special number". i am so happy for my little sister: for her day, which was perfect; for her man, who adores her; and for her life, which will be beyond her wildest imagination.

p.s. other than the wedding (of course) the highlight of my trip home was when i was jogging down main street and a guy in a van yells from his window on the other side of the street, "hey, where's the arena?" i couldn't help but have warm fuzzies as i yelled back, "just out of town. first driveway on the right." it's good to be home, i thought.

Good News!

2008-10-14T18:56:00.005-05:00

There's Someone I'd like you to meet.

You may have heard about him before. His name is Jesus. He came to earth 2000 years ago, give or take a few. For the first 30 years of his life he remained relatively unknown. He worked as a carpenter, and I'm sure he followed the Law as a good Jew should. But he wasn't just a good man. And when he was baptized by John, the Spirit descended on him like a dove. And the voice from revealed divine Sonship. From then on Jesus travelled the Galilean countryside, proclaiming the good news that the kingdom of God had arrived!

The kingdom of God! What did that mean? Was he a King coming to establish his kingdom by force? Was he a conquering hero to free his people from their subjection to Rome? Certainly this is what the Messiah, for whom they had been waiting all their lives, was coming to do!

But Jesus seemed stubbornly resistant to fulfilling all their ideas about true messiahship. First of all, he kept moving from town to town, barely giving his frenzied groupies a chance to formulate a good plan on how they (and he) were to storm the Roman gates. And while he proclaimed the kingdom, he didn't go around shouting, "Here I am...the Son of God!!" In fact, whenever the demons he cast out declared, "We know who you are--the Holy One of God!" he silenced them. He healed all who were brought to him, but kept insisting they keep quiet about it. "For real!!??" they must have thought. "But Jesus...I was blind...and now I can see."

But he didn't conform to other's expectations. He called himself the Son of Man, an obscure messianic title from the book of Daniel, and one that allowed him to define what exactly it was the Messiah was arriving to do. It wasn't for military victories. He healed the sick, raised the dead, fed the crowds, and refused to submit to any authority other than his Father's.

Those that recognized him for who he was still didn't always understand him. He kept talking about suffering and death. Some even rebuked him for it. But Jesus knew that God's ways were higher than man's. And while he reached the bottom of all sorrow and requested the cup be passed from him, he immediately deferred to the will of his Father. For he knew that it was perfect.

He was beaten; bruised; spat upon and flogged. They crucified him and mockingly challenged him, "If you're the Christ, come down from there!" Through it all he remained piercingly silent. Who was this man, who was able to endure the cross without so much as a defensive word?

Darkness fell, the Temple curtain was turn in two--and suddenly a centurion recognized him. He was the Son of God.

The Son of God, who was sent to this earth because the Father loved it. Relationship that had originally been perfect and unbroken was now distant and flawed. Sin had entered into the human race a long time ago, and millions of animal sacrifices could not atone for it.

But his perfect Son could, so he sent him to die. But that's not the end of the story. Three days later he rose again, demonstrating his power over life and death. He came to set the captives free. To bind up the broken-hearted. To release prisoners from their darkness. And to restore man's communion with God.

And that, my friends, is good news. Feel free to ask me about it anytime.

Mark 10:45
For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to
give his life as a ransom for many.

This is how it came out

2008-10-04T17:13:00.003-05:00

So, week 2 is done and it's probably about time for an update. I just have no idea what to write. What would you, who take time out of your busy schedule to read about the happenings and accompanying thought processes of my little life, be interested in? Do you want the intricate details? Do you want the cyclic emotions (could be dangerous)? Do you want me to preach to you the Truth that I am learning? Maybe a bit of everything, or a whole lot more of nothing? Do I need to entertain you to keep me on your mind and in your prayers? Or do you know me well enough to be happy just to hear that I am well.

And I am well.

This week we studied the book of Titus. The first week of class I excitedly shared with the class that I was going to change the pronounciation of each book we study, as much as possible using English words already in the name i.e. Philemon became Fi-lemon. Unfortunately, it only took until the second book for my grandiose and noble-minded concept to get dragged into the gutter. And I'll let you figure out why on your own. I can't even bring myself to write about it - I'm studying the Bible for crying out loud!

Yesterday we had an SBS Special Event. We have 3 of these per quarter, and they are a MANDATORY "fun" event. I shouldn't put fun in quotations - it really was fun! They make them mandatory because they want to make sure the students have at least a few recreational/relational breaks forced upon them, despite the heavy workload. Apparently balance is recommended. Interesting.

Anyway, for our fun event we went glo-bowling. I can't remember the last time I went glo-bowling. Probably in youth group. Unfortunately I forgot highlighters to draw hearts on my cheeks and stars on my forehead. Bummer. Maybe I'll remember for the next time I go bowling . . . in 4 years or so. Both games I played I broke 100!! For me = very very good. After the game we went to Good Earth (which is like Starbucks but more environmentally friendly). Let me tell you, I have been converted. That was the most amazing latte I have ever drunk (drinken?? drank?? dranken??).

And that's all she wrote for this week.

P.S. The next book we're studying Gala-T-ens.

the method...duh duh duh

2008-09-27T16:38:00.007-05:00

One book down. Sixty-five more to go.

This week we were introduced to the Inductive Bible Study Method and were baby-stepped through its application. We spent the whole week on the book of Philemon. It was great and I learned more than I ever thought I could from that little book. But I'm already freaking out about when I will have to complete the entire book of Isaiah in the same amount of time that we spent on just 25 verses (Yikes!)

I am in NO WAY completely familiar with the intricacies of the Inductive Method, but here are the basics:

1. Observation:

Read the book out loud in one sitting
Read it a second time and make as many observations about it as possible (we have a list of 35 different observations such as figures of speech, emphasis, connectives, contrasts, events, time element, prophecy, etc)
Do NOT consider meaning
Break up the book by its natural divisions; title each section using a maximum of 4 words which MUST be from the text; write paragraph points under each title, also with words from text
Find the key verse

2. Interpretation

Find internal (biblical) and external historical background for the book
Ask what the meaning of your observations would be for the original reader

3. Application

The GOAL of Bible study
What timeless truths can be extracted from the passage that apply to a 21st century reader?
Complete a creative application to solidify the truth in your heart

And of course this is to be begun, continued and completed in prayer. All work must be handed in by 5:30 pm on the date due, no lates accepted. And did I mention we will only have a week for all 66 chapters of Isaiah????!!!!

The transition into Turner Valley living has gone a lot smoother than I expected. I've enjoyed the process of getting to know my fellow students, and look forward to really becoming familiar with the treasures of their hearts.

If I cross your mind at all during your day, I would appreciate it if you could say a quick prayer for me. I want to get everything I can out of this experience, but above all I want to become intimately acquainted with the character of God. I don't want to come out of here a good studier with lots of head knowledge. I want to be transformed by the knowledge of who my Father is and how he feels about me. Just before I left home I discovered a verse, which has kind of become my "anti-theme":

You diligently study the Scriptures because you think that by them you possess eternal life. These are the Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life. John 5:39-40

I don't want to be like that. I want life. I want Him.

This post has gotten rather long, but I thought I'd end it with a few pictures taken from "Welcome to Turner Valley Night", for which we had to dress up as cowboys:) Bless you guys!

"The Spread": crackers, cheese (at least 4 different kinds), strawberries, grapes, kiwi, raspberries, pineapple, melon, veggies and dip, shrimp, trail mix, chips and salsa, and, of course, chocolate

Chan Yan aka Praise (SBS student from South Korea), Sherry (SBS staff from England), Ellie (SBS student from New Zealand)

Grace (Mission Builder from South Korea), Katie (SBS student from BC) and Jin Sook (SBS student from South Korea)
Me and my roommate, Teresa (from Alberta)

The slippers I won as a doorprize:)
Andrae and Jess in all their cowboy glory

there must be more

2008-09-25T17:15:00.002-05:00

We're not in Kansas anymore

2008-09-21T11:05:00.004-05:00

Good Morning to You!

Here I am in my "new digs" and getting used to life in cowboy country:) It's been pretty good so far. No absolute freak-outs. No hyperventilations. No temper tantrums on the dining room floor. Things are looking up!

The ride out here was uneventful in the best sense of the word. While we originally planned to be well on our way at 7am, we had a few slight hiccups: difficulties in cramming our luggage into the vehicle; a gas stop in St Adolphe; a bathroom stop only 10 minutes later; and the realization that Sho had "forgotten" her passport only 10 minutes after that. (Much to her chagrin, she found it as soon as we arrived in Turner Valley:).

However, despite the delays we still arrived at 10pm Alberta time, having entertained ourselves with iPod karaoke (which included such classics "Love is a Battlefield", "I am Sixteen Going on Seventeen" and "Stand Out" from The Goofy Movie soundtrack), Sudoku, and teachings by Graham Cooke.

I was the first "SBSer" to arrive at the base, so my days have been rather long. Turner Valley is about a 15 minute walk from the base, so I've walked down and visited Coyote Moon (aka Turner Valley's Starbucks), checked out a yard sale, and discovered 2 thrift/antique stores. Yesterday several more SBS students arrived - a married couple from Korea, a guy from Korea and another girl. The rest arrive today: one guy from England and 3 more girls from North America. So there will be 9 of us in total. The DTS is already in session here. I think there are about 10 of them. I've met most of them and they seem like fairly normal individuals:)

Anyway, Sho and Jake (my ride out here) are heading out for Montana shortly so I'd better go so I have a chance to say good-bye. Here are some pictures for you to enjoy. (I'm so on top of things, don't ya think?)

Still Portrait of Bed, via Mirror.

Still Portrait of Desk, via Aforementioned Mirror.

Turner Valley YWAM Base Prospect from Small Hill

Chuckwagon Cafe - the Albertan Version of Cora's

my miss list

2008-09-18T00:12:00.004-05:00

I know I've been a bit sappy (or soppy) of late, but just bear with me on this one. Tomorrow (or today rather) I leave for cowboy country. Here are the top 10 things I'll be missing about prairie livin':

1. Having my Mom tuck me in at night. Yes, I am 23 and yes I still need a good-night kiss. And I am not ashamed of it. I don't know what I'd do without her.

2. Manitoba skies. Uh-MAZE-ing. Take today, for instance - the sky changed a million times. During my morning walk it was gray-blue and dense, with just a little bit of brightness peeking at the fringes. Like the promise of better things to come. The sunset was fiery orange and red, with clouds like dotted lines streaking half the sky. And the moon - I was over the moon about the moon. Large and yellow and not-quite-full, it captured my heart and then some.

3. 5 little munchkins. In order of earthly appearance: Isaiah, Luke, Shiloh, Eliora and Elijah. I LOVE being an auntie. Especially the part about being able to make their little days by spoiling them with candy or tickles and not having to worry about the consequences later on (Sorry about that Ruth, Brian, Sherwood and Joc!!:) In all seriousness, they remind me of all that is good in the world.

4. Late night walks around Niverville. My Mom thinks mornings are better for walking, but I disagree. Things are so much more romantic at night (and I mean that in its fanciful sense). Even a simple trip to Country Snacks for 5 cent candies becomes something far more magical in the darkness.

5. Raiding the freezer for oft half freezer-burnt cakes and muffins - and eating them still frozen. Mmmm. So yummy. (Today's treat was lemon poppy seed.)

6. My green cargo capris. I have had them since grade 10 and they are threadBARE. I mean they are just barely hanging on. It's gotten so bad that I had to make the heart-wrenching decision to not submit them to the risks of a journey half-way across the country. They might get shredded in my suitcase and THEN what would I do!!!??? No, they must remain in my drawer, in my room, in Manitoba. I will not disturb the thin line that their survival walks. A prayer: *May they live to see another summer...or two....or more*

7. Walking Buddy. (Did I just write that??) I am not known for my great love of furry, four-legged creatures (nor furry, eight-legged ones for that matter). However, this summer Buddy has managed to soften my heart. Maybe it's the fact that I realized how depressed I would be if I were kept on a 15 foot chain all day long. She'd get so excited when she'd hear me pull out the leash. I'd take her down a gravel road where I could take her off the leash and let her romp and at least think she's dog enough to catch a bird or two. I never bothered to tell her that generally birds are smarter than dogs; it would've broken her heart. The best part of walking Buddy was always the part when Buddy was far ahead of me and I would turn back towards Niverville. I would try to do it as quietly as possible, bijing (I have no idea how to spell that - I think it's a Rebekah word) to get as far as I could before Buddy noticed. When she did, she'd run as fast as she could to catch up with me. And I felt good knowing I had enabled her to expend just that much more energy on our morning walk.

8. Living room dance parties to TobyMac, 'N Sync, Backstreet Boys, Kelly Clarkson and pretty much anything with a hip hop beat. Justin Timberlake eat your heart out. Me and my peeps know how to break it down!

9. Going out to Subway for supper with my Dad. I value what my Dad has to say about things, and I value that he allows me to share my heart with him. I don't know what I'd do without him.

10. My church family. I love Maranatha; it's home to me. I've been blessed to be a part of this community for a long time, and I was reminded of that last Sunday.

There's so much about home that I love but I must stop to get some rest:) I will, however, briefly mention some runners up:

riding my bike

buying soft ice-cream from Snacks or mint-chocolate-chip from Connie's

making fun of "The Patio"/"Oriental Pearl"/"Restaurant-that's-never-going-to-make-it" every time we drive past

family gatherings

Bubble tea with Kyla

pure entertainment at its best

2008-09-14T17:26:00.003-05:00

Okay, Eric, Mel, Ky and I have been peeing our pants (almost literally) watching YouTube videos. Here is the cream of the incredible crop. I just HAD to share the joy.

have you met your daily giggle quota???

2008-09-08T20:56:00.001-05:00

I am sitting in my room, on the floor and giggling (something I need to do more often). This is why:

Your love is strong

2008-09-03T22:27:00.003-05:00

Heavenly Father
You always amaze me
Let your kingdom come
In my world and in my life
You give me the food I need
To live through the day
And forgive me as I forgive
The people that wronged me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window
The birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune
Or out of place
I look at the meadow
And stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl
On her wedding day

So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens
Is now advancing
Invade my heart
Invade this broken town
The kingdom of the heavens
Is buried treasure
Will you sell yourself
To buy the one you've found?

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

Our God in heaven
Hallowed be
Thy name above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us wicked sinners
Lead us far away from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons

Red Rover, Red Rover . . . Summer is Over

2008-08-31T19:45:00.003-05:00

As I sit at my computer on this eve of the first day of September, I feel mostly freaked out of my mind. I usually LOVE this time of year. The air starts to get crisper, which gets balanced by the leaves bursting into colours of warmth. The temperature change requires one to haul out those extra layers (and beloved long johns!), and when all bundled up one can't help but feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Over the long, hot summer you forget just how good a hot cup of coffee really is. And it is the season in which I experience the anticipation of beginning a new school year.

But not this year. This year I am moving away.

Not forever (I hope), but for 9 long months of intensive Bible study. I should be ecstatic. I should be thankful for the opportunity. I should be expecting God to blow the doors off (right??!!).

But no, mostly I feel sad.

I think I'm in a funk. Maybe the fact that I've become a hermit over the course of the summer has something to do with it (Ya think!!?? Geez, Steph.) After graduating this spring I was thrown into an incredibly active social life, which, after holing myself up in my basement suite during the school year, was quite the change. I am not a naturally social person. I don't love small talk (then again, does anybody??) and I don't mind my own company. So the 180 degree turn threw me for a loop. And in August I just shut the door.

So now I am preparing to leave my family, live in community, complete a program which everyone says is "intense" and my mind seems to have left the building.

While change is typically hard it doesn't follow that it isn't right or good. And seeing as my favourite seasons, spring and fall, are ones of transition, I should be sufficiently stocked with metaphors of change to give me hope for the journey:)

Here's the 411 on my plans for the year:
I am doing the School of Biblical Studies in Turner Valley, Alberta. If you would like my mailing address, email or phone number, let me know and I'll make sure you get it. I figured it's probably not the smartest idea to post it on the world wide web. To fill out the picture for you of just what I'll be doing, I'll leave you with a quote from the program's website:

"The School of Biblical Studies (SBS) main and ultimate focus is on the
Bible, which is what makes SBS unique. In nine months we go through all 66 books
of the Bible about 5 times each. SBS is an inductive Bible study, which means
that we seek to allow the scriptures to speak for themselves. What the inductive
method really promotes is for the Holy Spirit to speak to the individual
personally. . . . The more you understand God's Word the more you know His
character and this is what you give to people when you are out there sharing the
Gospel. This is so key and this is our desire for everyone who has done an SBS,
anyone who is doing one, and anyone who will do one in the future. The first
thing that we desire as an outcome for all who do the SBS, is that the Spirit of
God would transform their lives by studying the Word."

Whoa . . . I got excited just reading that. Maybe I really did need to write this post:)

Where'd the Olympics go?? I need my fix!

2008-08-25T00:10:00.006-05:00

I'm a bit of an Olympics junkie.

And when I say junkie, I mean junkie. Like turn-on-the-tv-when-I-wake-up-and-turn-it-off-when-I-leave-for-work-only-to-turn-it-back-on-as-soon-as-I-step-in-the-door-and-turn-it-back-off-when-I-go-to-sleep-or-become-overwhelmed-with-shame-for-my-scandalous-waste-of-time kind of junkie. Yeah, it's bad.

Athletes are funny people. I mean seriously. What 7 year old wakes up one morning and says, "Mom, I want to jump from a ridiculous height, flip my body around in mid-air, spin exactly 3.5 times and pray I don't belly flop into the water below." Or "Dad, I think I'd be really good at hammer throw. Can a borrow one of yours to try?" Like seriously folks...give your head a shake.

Ever wonder if there was a secret athlete hidden in you? I mean who knows how high I could pole vault?? I've never tried. I could beat the world record...Maybe. I guess the world will just never know. I've pretty much determined that there are only two differences between me and the Olympic champions: one, they spend the bulk of their time in a gym; and two, they are obessesed with being the best. (Okay, maybe just the first one is indicative of our difference).

I have thoroughly enjoyed watching the 2008 Beijing Olympics. It's probably because I enjoy judging so much. One of my highlights has been observing the athletes' responses to wins and losses, as well as the way they present themselves to the public during an interview. There's nothing more comical than watching a sprinter who prematurely claims a podium position end up 14th in the semi-finals (ahem *Jared Connaughton* ahem). I'm mean, I know. But there's also nothing more moving than watching a taekwondo competitor sorrowfully accept her silver medal because she simply refuses to be content with second-best (kudos to Karine Segerie). That was nicer of me, don't ya think?

A wonderful outcome of my 2-week-long addiction has been a discovery which has caused me no end of delight (at least not yet). Who knew athletics contained such hidden gems? I would like to share with you a sport that the mere thought of has caused me to burst out laughing in the middle of the street while walking by myself.

What cry doth my ears hear going forth: "Marvelous Discoverer, do tell us of the wonders of the sport thou hast uncovered." Say you, "Enlighten our eyes darkened of understanding." Crieth the reader, "Make haste, make haste!" And so I shall. Drumroll please.

Race walking.

I looked up "race walking" on http://www.wikipedia.org/ in order to get a better understanding of this enigmatic sport. (Please note: I would not normally recommend Wikipedia as a reliable source when conducting research; I figured race walking was an exception). I quote:

"There are two rules that govern racewalking. The first dictates that the athlete's back toe cannot leave the ground until the heel of the front foot has touched. Violation of this rule is known as loss of contact. The second rule requires that the supporting leg must straighten from the point of contact with the ground and remain straightened until the body passes over it. These rules are judged by the human eye, which creates controversy at today's high speeds....There are judges on the course to monitor form. Three judges submitting "red cards" for violations results in disqualification."

And they do this for 50kms!!! Averaging 7-8 min/mile!! Fascinating, isn't it? And so very entertaining. Apparently the "exaggerated swivel to the hip" is actually a pelvis rotation to "achieve maximum propulsion". I don't know about all the *technical details* regarding that swing, but I do think that I could watch it for the whole 3.5 hours it takes these power walkers to complete the course.

To give you a better idea of what I am talking about, I thought I'd leave you with a video of this unique sport. PLEASE FOLLOW THE LINK. It is so worth it. And hopefully there can be more of us out there laughing in the middle of the street (while those watching from their windows will start wondering just what it is that they're missing out on).

P.S. You'll be happy to know that my addiction has spontaneously been cured this evening by the cessation of the summer games. I will now enjoy resuming my schedule of normal human activity.

Until 2010!

Race Walking - YouTube

2008-08-25T00:08:00.002-05:00

Race Walking

dance dance revolution

2008-08-12T22:53:00.005-05:00

Tonight I went dancing.

Now before all you Mennonites start judging me, let me explain. It seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us (meaning my dear friend, Erika, and I) to take part in some drop-in swing lessons. So we dusted off our dancing shoes, gathered up our courage, trampled on our pride and hit the dance floor...with our feet, that is. By the end we felt like old pros, and quite pleased with our accomplishments of the evening:

We mastered the basic
Spun (or span???) around without tying ourselves in a knot
And totally slaughtered the "lindy on the line" - yep, that's right, we slaughtered it.

Plus we met some interesting people! A friendly young man with an interesting sense of style (think cuffed jeans and a just-barely-too-short tank); a lanky older gentleman who flopped around the dance floor like an understuffed teddybear; and a middle-aged man who counted himself offbeat and condescendingly corrected any imperfections in my movement. It was great fun.

I'm not (very) ashamed to admit that I am a fan of the tv show "So You Think You Can Dance". There is something about dance that speaks very deeply to me. I think it's closely tied to the emotions that music and lyrics inspire. I love watching people able to respond to music in ways I can only dream of.

What is it about music and dance that gives it so much power over us? It's like a drug. I almost literally feel transported to another place while watching another human being physically demonstrating how music touches them. And when I can relate to their movement, we connect. And I am drawn even further into the music.

Powerful. What a gift God has given us. And my question is: How exactly is He calling me to use it? I can see it (sometimes). I can imagine the potential (when I take the time to dream). But it's easier to keep it on a theoretic level. To enjoy the entertainment value instead of pursuing the eternal value.

I guess for now I can just ask. And while I'm asking I think I'm just going to enjoy dance dance revolution, the RWB, SYTYCD and my weekly swing lesson.

at ALL costs - avoid the void

2008-08-03T14:15:00.006-05:00

can you believe it's august? nope i sure can't. only 1.5 months until i remove myself from everything near and dear to my heart. and i wonder...am i nuts? why would i leave this?

i LOVE manitoba. i LOVE niverville. i get kind of crazy in the head when people just through off the cuff insults at rural prairie livin'. i have to start breathing deep and biting my tongue before i let loose a torrent of not-so-pretty words of my own. why do we find it so hard to appreciate community and the slow pace of small-town life?

nobody wants to be bored, that's for sure. and that i can definitely relate to. is it just me, or do you ever find yourself going to ridiculous lengths in order to keep boredom at arm's length. i seem to have an irrational fear of the ordinary. i avoid the mundane at all costs. i crave entertainment - even if it's just playing spider solitaire 27 times in a row (or web boggle 43 times). so what if it stopped being fun after the 3rd round. at least i'm playing a game. that's fun, right?

i get home from work. i'm tired. i turn on the tv and watch "what not to wear". i feel a bit guilty, but i worked hard. i don't want to think or do anything. that's done, i check my email for emails i won't reply to for days (or weeks)...my facebook for posts i'll feel guilty about not replying to...my visa bill to stress out about the amount of money i'm spending...ebay for that have-to-have product at that steal-of-a-deal price...the weather network in hopes of cooler temperatures...and msn.com when i've checked everything i "need" to check and i still don't want to move from where i've plastered myself for the last hour and a half.

i should clean. i should read. i should write. i should organize. i should correspond. but i am tired. and i want to be entertained.

i want the spectacular. i want to go to bed at end of the day and think "that was awesome." and if i have to be productive, i want it to be glaringly obvious -- pin a medal on my chest because i just conquered the world. WOW - my upside-down room was turned right side up; WOW- i handed in a 12 page paper; WOW- i did this or WOW i did that.

but most days aren't like tha,t and i'm trying to learn to be okay with days that are just normal. to say WOW - i did the laundry; WOW- manitoba skies are amazing; WOW - i didn't check my email today; WOW - i didn't beat myself up today.

as bob wiley would perhaps say, "baby steps to bed time, baby steps to bed time." i'll probably crash in front of the tv tomorrow night (or maybe even tonight). i'm more than likely to spend scandalous amounts of time on the internet over the next several days. and i just might get snared by the lure of spider solitaire.

but i am aware. i admit to the problem. and that's the first step, right?

Hellooooooooo

2008-07-16T23:33:00.004-05:00

So I know I tend to be a bit of a flighty blogger. Commitment isn't really my thing. However, I do have an excuse this time! I've been house-sitting a dog, 2 crabs, a fish and a sucker (fish that is) in a home with an desktop computer which CLEARLY has internet access but is deciding to play the "dumb card", as well as a wireless network with an impossible configuration.

sigh and a half.

I guess I shouldn't complain. I don't really have anything to say. And even if I did, I'd just want to write about it so someone floating in cyberspace would think I am funny or smart or just really really weird. I'd especially like them to think I was weird.

In case you're interested (or am I assuming to much) here's the top 5 hits of my summer so far:

1. Watching 2 Filipino kids bust the eardrums of all the grannies at the Mennonite Heritage Museum on Canada Day with their supra-vocal rendition of "Above All". It was awesome.

2. Surprising Mel by taking her to see the Cirque du Soleil show for her birthday. First of all, nobody should be able to catch another person by their feet, with their feet, while swinging at insanely high speeds at insanely high heights. It's just not good for my heart to watch something like that! Special thanks to Eric for mercifully allowing me to take Mel even though I stupidly forgot to tell him when I bought the tickets in April. Yep, he bought her a ticket too. And we discovered this 2 days before the show. **Head banging on wall**

3. Buying yellow shoes on ebay. So what if they are a size too big? They are way cool. And coolness demands certain sacrifices.

4. Breakfast with the fam at Cora's. Children building mountains of creamers. Too many people squished around too few tables. Amazing crepes, omelettes and benedicts. Wonderful coffee (Tim Hortons eat your heart out). Some of the meanest knock-knock jokes I've ever heard. And people I really, really love. As Martha Stewart would say, it was a "good thing". As God would say "Behold, it was very good." As I would say, "Wunderbra!"

5. The birth of Eliora Hope. My newest little niece and just the cutest thing since sliced bread. I just want to eat her up (How convenient...a great opportunity to pull out the sliced bread simile once again. Twice in one paragraph...impressive). Repeat after me, little Eliora: "Steph's the best! Steph's the best!"

And that's all she wrote!

p.s. I chopped my hair all off:)

if you think this is funny...

2008-06-30T18:41:00.005-05:00

...you shoulda seen the pregnant woman running for her life.

the *cute* and *innocent* children believed they had found my prince charming. unfortunately they had not been informed that i was in no way interested in meeting prince charming. i quickly corrected their misconceptions, making it quite clear exactly what my feelings were regarding this overgrown polliwog.

needless to say, it didn't end well for mr. toad/prince charming.

check it out

2008-06-26T21:37:00.005-05:00

My fabulous sister and her fabulous fiancé had engagement photos taken this week. Enjoy all their photos by clicking HERE, scrolling to the bottom of the page and clicking "Click here to view some super slideshow goodness". Be sure to leave comments in the comment box! Let's let Winnipeg know how much we love this special couple:)

sugar and spice and everything nice...

2008-06-22T14:41:00.019-05:00

...that's what my family is made of. oh, they're not perfect. but don't blame them. it's hard to be when you live under the shadow of such a daughter and sister as me.

(yeah right, it's more like i'm the one who provokes the unperfected parts of their characters. oh well, i still blame my great-grandmother, marigan, for that!)

here's some of what i like best about them:

Dad (aka "Herman the German"):
He's a fountain of wisdom and yet he lets God speak to me for Himself. While he's very intense and focused (traits I admire and aspire to develop), he also knows how to laugh at himself. I love you, Dad!

Mom (aka "Large Marge" or "S. U. C. K."):

No words would do justice in extolling the enumerable qualities of this little lady. She's got fire and yet knows when to channel it (a virtue I haven't quite mastered). I run to her when I am weary and heavy-laden, and she tells me to run to Jesus. I love you, Mom!

Ruth (aka "I-can-eat-a-whole-bag-of-chocolate-chips-in-one-sitting"):

Passionate and compassionate. Ruth fights for the underdog and champions the disheartened. I am blessed by the freedom of expression that she gives her daughter, along with the absolute delight that she takes in her. I love you, Ruth!

Brian (aka "Beebs"):

A model of faithfulness and perseverence and joy. Work, church, health, whatever. Brian sticks where God has stuck him, even when the road is long and hard. And he makes the journey all about Jesus. I love you, Brian!

Shiloh (aka "Shi-shee"):

This munchkin gives new meaning to the word. Most of the time I think "Where did this kid come from??!!" Then I remember who her parents are and it all makes sense. Her heart is so tender, and it breaks before your eyes if you so much as look at her with a hint of displeasure. I love you, Shiloh!

Sherwood (aka "Jokester"):

He has a real father-heart. Sherwood will protect and fight for those he loves. I always smile when I think about the fact that I know that my brother is always in my corner. He's a man of incredible quality--yet he walks in real humility. I love you Sherwood!

Jocelyn (aka "Modest Poetker"):

Jocelyn is a fighter. But she's not showy about it. She's faced some hard things, but she doesn't gripe or complain. She just digs in her heels and sets her face like flint. Her love for her children is compelling and selfless. I love you, Jocelyn!

Isaiah (aka "Story-teller extrodinaire"):
A wise old soul. This guy's creative juices are in constant flow. He is always in motion and is not satisifed unless he and those around him have given 110% to whatever project is at hand. And he could rival Moses for the sheer bulk of Bible stories he has written. I love you, Isaiah!

Luke (aka "The Most-Kissable"):

Mr Luke has that twinkle that just makes you want to wrap him up and put him in your pocket. He loves to tease, and yet he also needs to be taken seriously when he' got something important to say. He's got the heart of a lion. I love you, Lukie!

Melodie (aka "Smell"):

So gracious and so merciful. Melodie's heart is a wide-open embrace. She walks in humility and always lifts up those around her. She is better than anyone I know at telling a person to cut the crap and still leaving them assured that they are loved. I love you, Melodie!

Eric (aka "The Boy Toy"):

I'm still getting to know Eric, but I do see him as a rock. (That and slightly delusional for always believing that Mel would one day fall for him:) He takes care of Mel and thinks she's the greatest thing since sliced bread. What more could I ask for? I realize it might make things awkward seeing as the first time I'm saying this to you is on the world wide web, and yet I ended everyone elses post like this so here goes -- I love you, Eric!

Crystal (aka "The Bottom-Dweller"):
The word that comes to mind is discontented, but in a good way:) Crystal refuses to be happy with the way things are because she knows that there is so much more. And she is going to fight to make it happen. She delights in beauty, and she is beauty. I love you, Crystal!

To the whole lot of you:

Thank you for how you model Jesus for me. I am so thankful for your prayers, your practical jokes, and your patience. Where I would be without you, I don't know. But it sure wouldn't be right here.

**DISCLAIMER** No family member was asked for permission prior to posting the photo selected for their montage. However, due to the nature of my relationship as "favourite daughter/sister/auntie" to each one and the too-kind comments posted right next to the perhaps unflattering photo of people who in real-life are really too beautiful for words, I consider myself exempted from any negative repercussions the aforementioned may be mistakenly convinced I should have to face . . .

. . . that and I also have posted probably the most unflattering picture ever taken of myself. with my hand literally in the cookie jar. look long and be avenged.

to lizzle

2008-06-16T13:33:00.003-05:00

for a dear friend who has faithfully and brilliantly written me many poems over the years, and who has patiently waited for one in return. this is a shout out to my good friend, liz panting. i hope it was worth the wait:)

oh lizzle-ba-dizzle
you're gracious fo' shizzle
how can i make up for my crime?

it's true that i lack
the knack of attack
to produce this art form on a dime

but that's no excuse
i've cooked my own goose
the years themselves speak of my sloth

you've pestered and pastored
and yet somehow mastered
the bulk of your sorrow and froth

you still called me friend
when i appeared to end
the legacy of our demise

i shed just one tear
and cower in fear
in the darkness i hear your sad cries:

"oh once more dear steph,
you mac and cheese chef,
come join in this game we call Life

you're more than you say
keep plugging away!
your words can cut cheese like a knife

when you choose to stay silent
oh it makes me turn violent
the corners of my mouth start to curl

i twitch and i jerk
and i go beserk
and then gather myself for a hurl"

so speaks the dark
via a spectacled shark,
(whom i have in fact never met)

once the dispatch delivered
he screamed and i shivered
for he turned into carol burnett!

oh what can i do
to make it up to you?
you see the extent i have suffered.

my offer is peace
and i ask for a lease
i hope that this poem has buffered

your disappointment and pain
as well as my shame
for i truly think you are a star!

you're smart as a fart,
you appreciate art--
i'm thankful for all that you are!

little wonders

2008-06-12T21:46:00.007-05:00

today was a good day. it was garbage day!** i LOVE garbage day. i always get such a sense of accomplishment on this day. cheap thrill, i know. but it never fails.

first of all, its probably the most insanely intense household chore. depending on where you live in niverville, the thursday morning rush to beat the garbageman can create enough adrenaline to make the morning coffee unnecessary. especially since the garbageman ALWAYS seems to switch up his route. come on, brother! how am i supposed to plan out my morning routine if i just never know when you are going to arrive??

now the smart thing to do would be to put out the trash wednesday evening. mmm....smart is good. but not as fun.

getting the garbage out in the heat of the moment makes me feel like someone's set a bar out for me and i've cleared it. it's like me vs the crap - when one completes the arduous task of sniffing out every hidden-from-sight trash bin, scraping the adament refuse that REFUSES to smoothly shake itself out, and wheeling the stubbornly tilted garbage bin across the inconveniently slanted driveway, well, you just have to take a moment to celebrate the achievement.

little wonders. snippets of grace. glimpses of heaven. sorry if this isn't translating for you. i've had too little sleep over too long of a time. but some times the strangest things remind me that there's more to life than all this stuff i see. it's not about the garbage. it's about letting Him help me dump all my crap in his lap (sorry for the rhyme).

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
~Jesus

**for all you 'villers who know that garbage day is in fact thursday and this blog was posted on saturday, be it known that i wrote this blog on thursday but was too lazy to hit "post" until saturday. don't judge me for it.

2008-06-07T23:56:00.003-05:00

I love to laugh

Loud and long and clear

I love to laugh

It's getting worse ev'ry year

The more I laugh

The more I fill with glee

And the more the glee

The more I'm a merrier me

It's embarrassing!

The more I'm a merrier me!

2008-05-30T21:09:00.002-05:00

you want to know something that's funny. i have an Imodium coupon saved in my favourites bar.

:)

is it just me, or does it smell like up-dog in here?

2007-12-24T09:12:00.000-06:00

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, and that's got my heart a-humming...

On my walk to work this morning, I was enjoying the beauty of hoarfrost, the sound of crunching snow, and the tender prickle of icy cold cheeks. Breathing in and breathing out the wonder of Christmas. And I was thinking about the person of God...the parts we like and the parts we don't. Because if I'm honest, sometimes I try to candy-coat my conception of God.

I was recently reading a book, the author of which was all about God. But the author had a certain idea of who He is. This God was very cute, and quite cuddly, and definitely obliging. I'd be lying if I said I don't have my own ideas about God. And I'd be a bigger liar if I said that those ideas were 100% correct. My issue is not with this author. My issue is not with people's ideas of God per se. My issue is the unwillingness to sacrifice our ideas about God. Because God just might be a lot scarier (aka holy) than we would like to believe.

"Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever; wisdom and power are his. He changes times and seasons; he sets up kings and deposes them. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him."
Daniel 2:20-22

Those verses give me chills. Sometimes I like to think of the Grandfather-heart of God instead of the Father-heart. I love his love. And his mercy and his grace. John 1:16 says, "From his mercy ALL have received, grace upon grace." I need to know more of that grace.

But I also love and need the holiness of God. His majesty and non-compromise to the lusts of my weak flesh. I love and need to know that God is bigger than me--than my finite ideas about Him. I can't conform Him to my own image. I don't want to. Because I have a small idea of what kind of a God that would be. And that god inspires no awe and demands no worship.

It's this crazy mixture. Not a balance, because I think that gives the wrong impression. That we can somehow totter this thing out if we stretch our arms really wide and squat down really low. It's both-and. AND IT DRIVES ME NUTS.

I don't really get it (at all) but I want to. I don't understand the whole "Though he was God he did not cling to his rights as God" thing. It's so big. You can't make this stuff up! Why would you want to. It's so hard and easy and fun and work and huge and yet very, very intimate.

It's fantastical. No...it's miracular.

2007-08-24T09:03:00.000-05:00

where's your joy?

so i had this brilliantly ridiculous idea...what if i started off each day with 10 minutes of laughing. straight. faking it till i'm making it. wow that would look stupid.

i'm sure we've all heard the line "laughter is the best medicine." some studies have suggested the following benefits of laughter:
-laughter boosts our body's levels of endorphins (our body's natural pain killers)
-laughter boosts our immune system
-physiologically, laughing can produce the same results as a mild workout
-researchers compared the blood vessels of people after they watched a comedy or a drama. following the screening, the blood vessels of the participants who were shown comedies expanded and contracted easily (allowing for faster blood flow). the vessels of those who had watched dramas tended to tense up (see the article "Is Laughter the Best Medicine?")

i babysat my nephews this week, and somewhere between getting extremely dirty rolling down hills of sand and popcorn peoples drowning in a peanut butter swamp, i saw (and experienced) some serious belly laughing. which got me thinking...how often do i really (and truly) laugh. it's fairly easy to find at least half a dozen amusing things throughout the day. but there's nothing quite like that roll-on-the-floor-until-your-sides-hurt laugh. some of my best memories and fragments of memories are those moments of sheer unadulterated joy.

i have this one memory of sitting in burger king with three of my favourite people (rebekah, mel and chantelle) and laughing until our heads touched the table. what about? i have no idea. but i still carry the intensity of that night with me. one of my greatest hopes about heaven is that we can watch those most joyful moments over again. when i'm actually there, this might not matter to me as much. but here on earth, it's one of my greatest treasures.

mel tells me that chris dropko likes to ask people, "where's your joy?" i've kind of adopted that line as a personal mantra. i work in the shoe department at wal-mart. it's back-to-school season, and needless to say, it can get a little intense. i'm serious...you clean up a row of shoes, and right behind you are 3 little kids pushing in the boxes you JUST straightened (ARG!!) near the end of one row is one pair little girls' shoes named (you guessed it) JOY! and everytime i get to that part on the shelf, that shoe is a reminder for me: where's your joy, steph?

i read this book about a man who decided that for 90 days straight, he would choose joy. (the book is called champagne for the soul...READ IT) 5 years before his experiment, he had a vision of Jesus:
I wasn't feeling particularly holy that day, indeed the opposite. A few hours later I'd be getting on a plane to join my parents for their fiftieth wedding anniversary, and I was preoccupied with plans for this event. I hadn't yet packed, I had a hundred details to attend to, and my mind was further distracted by my daughter's loud music in the next room. Hardly the setting for a quiet prayer time. When my friend suggested we pray, I agreed merely to humour him. In this unlikely setting Jesus appeard to me. I've never had another vision, before or since, but his one so impacted me that I carry it with me always like a photo in the wallet of my heart. I see Him again now as I write, especially His face. If I were an artist I would paint Him...What mainly struck me was His joy. He was positively beaming with happiness, like ten thousand suns, and I felt that all this joy was directed at me. He was so glad to see me! Moreover He was inviting me to share His happiness. I felt some response was called for--but what? I wanted to say something to my Lord, yet talking to the real, visible Jesus is quite different from sayng prayers in an empty room. "Oh Lord," I stammered, "it's so good to be with You..."

Matthew 25:21 says "Come and share your master's happiness." in the parable that this verse is found in, Jesus invites me (and you) to share in the joy that is his. i don't have to conjure up some of my own low-grade version of happiness, but open my heart to the wild and uncontained joy of the Father of Lights. psalm 104:2 says:
"You are clothed with honour and majesty, wrapped in light as with a garment."

i love that image of God--clothed in light. He radiates. joyful people radiate.

i kind of don't think it's a coincidence that my middle name is joy. my naturally melancholic personality sometimes thinks it's not coincidence, it's pure paradox! but the funny thing about God is that he's all about paradoxes. ultimately joy is a choice. yet, it's a choice to step into something that has already been prepared for us. mike mason (the 90-day joy guy aka my hero) also writes:
Any happiness we think we've produced for ouselves will soon fade. The real thing comes from Beyond. Indeed it's the essence of joy to know that the Beyond is somehow contained within us. Far from originating joy, humans are meant to be like an echo, reverberating with God's joy and sending it back to Him. The very word rejoice contains (in the prefix "re") this idea of "over again" or "back."... True joy is tireless. It's like a little child squealing, "Do it again, Daddy!" to which our heavenly Daddy replies heartily, "Yes, let's do it again! And again and again!

2007-06-02T15:45:00.001-05:00

all of you
is MORE than enough for
all of me
for every thirst and every need
you satisfy me
with your love
and all i have in you
is MORE than enough

he is the Lord. he is One. there is no other one. no other bread. no other drink. nothing satisfies like he satisfies. there is no life in anything but Him:

if it were his intention and he withdrew his spirit and breath, all mankind would perish together and man would return to the dust. job 34:14,15

for in him we live and move and have our being. as some of your own poets have said, 'we are his offspring.' acts 17:28

without Him, there isn't just me. without him there isn't just the things i chase so hard after. without him there is nothing.

he is I AM. everything.

more than enough.

2007-05-30T18:26:00.000-05:00

how am i supposed to save money when i pass like 10 tim hortons a day!!!???

2007-05-09T22:08:00.000-05:00

so...it was a VERY IMPORTANT PERSON'S birthday a couple of days ago.

and this VERY IMPORTANT PERSON is also known as a VERY SPECIAL PERSON or a VERY GRACIOUS PERSON or a STRANGE BIRD (and i mean that in the BEST possible sense).

now i need to say a thing or two about this VERY IMPORTANT PERSON (aka VERY SPECIAL PERSON or VERY GRACIOUS PERSON or STRANGE BIRD).

she (yes...it is a female) is, as her titles would imply, a very important, very special, very gracious, strange bird. for one thing, she has a very selfish daughter who uses her all the time to proofread her essays and quiz her on her notes of the reproductive system and to get free coffee from tim horton's. why would this lady (remember...she is a female) let this very selfish daughter do this to her. i don't know. she is (you will remember) a strange bird.

another thing this VERY IMPORTANT PERSON (aka VERY SPECIAL PERSON or VERY GRACIOUS PERSON or STRANGE BIRD) is very good at is talking sense to nonsensical beings. (not the least of which being her very selfish daughter). with this ability to talk much sense, she has prevented much disaster (some speculate she may have even prevented a WWIII, but this has not been proven conclusively). nevertheless, her sense-talking has prevented much disaster (and most definitely self-destruction) in her very selfish daughter.

of further note is this VERY IMPORTANT PERSON'S (aka VERY SPECIAL PERSON or VERY GRACIOUS PERSON or STRANGE BIRD) ability to whip up a gourmet meal in 10 minutes flat. and this is done while spending only an average of $1.12 per plate. click here for details on this amazing (and seemingly supernatural) ability.

suffice it to say, this lady (you have not, i hope, forgotten it is a female i am referring to) is not only a VERY IMPORTANT PERSON, VERY SPECIAL PERSON, VERY GRACIOUS PERSON or a STRANGE BIRD. she's also a mom. and that about sums it all up right there.

i'm sorry. i cannot provide any more details. not until you get me my lawyer.

2007-05-06T20:06:00.000-05:00

so...it's O-fficial. i am a big-city-dweller. if you can call winnipeg a big city. seeing as it's about 250 times the size of niverville, i'd say in my case the term applies. it's kind of weird. kind of surreal. but good. spreading my wings (just a little:)

i've got my bus pass
i've got my grocery list (with the top 2 items being peanut butter and decaf coffee)
i've got my books for term
i've got a job interview

looks like i'm all set.

p.s. if you need my number, send me an email. or comment and i'll email it to you. don't want any stalkers taking up all the minutes on my answering machine (no, ruth, i'm not talking about you:)

2007-04-14T22:41:00.000-05:00

hippity hoppity happity birthday...

...to my sister RUTH!!!!!

you prayed me into the world

-i owe you my life-

how can i ever repay you??

i can't...can i? because it is unrepayable

(is that a word???) how can you repay a life such as mine?? (just kidding)

i love ya toothy ruthy.

SMA-OOCH!!!!

2007-04-08T08:51:00.000-05:00

happy easter

Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed— in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory." Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
1 Corinthians 15:51-58

I looked, and there before me was a white horse! Its rider held a bow, and he was given a crown, and he rode out as a conqueror bent on conquest.
Revelation 6:2

I watched "The Passion of the Christ" this weekend. It's funny how we know things in our head, yet it takes seeming ages to filter down to our heart. And that's when we know it. Heck, I was "born into" the Faith. I basically had my passport stamped as soon as I left the womb. (That's not really how it works, I'm just making a point).

I love getting to know Christ. I love getting to know what he did for me. I love getting to know that He is for me, not against me. I look back at my life (even just a year or two) and think, "Wow...Jesus, I didn't even know you at all." Because as you know him more, things start to fade.

And then you try to share it (which you should) but you're stopped by the inescapable fact that you can't force a knowledge of Christ onto people. Because it's not about words or facts. It's just Him.

So today, my prayer for you is that you come to know this Christ I love. How can you? It's as simple as asking Him to reveal Himself. He is so faithful--He always does.

2007-04-03T14:50:00.000-05:00

second-last tuesday.

2007-03-23T23:00:00.000-05:00

i'm it
i was tagged by the lovely and illustrious christine. now i'm supposed to write 6 peculiar things about myself. peculiar...i like that word. hmm.

1. i have never seen the movie "titanic," even though i was an impressionable eighth grader when the box office smash came out. (although i did have a picture of leonardo dicaprio up in my locker:)

2. ever seen "the miracle worker"?? i LOVE to pretend i'm helen keller as portrayed in that movie, and chance my family around, rubbing their faces and saying "waa waa."

3. i don't know how to fake burp.

4. i have no problem farting in a public place if i know it's not going to be a loud one, and i think there's a reasonable chance those around me won't know it's me.

5. i wish that i could deal with school or life. not both.

6. my secret wish is that i would be endowed with the gift of one-liners. to be able to pin down anyone that steps out of line with a short but oh-so-sweet jab. (only if they really deserve it, of course).
"take the next one...there isn't enough room in here for me and your ego." (hee hee)

i don't know who to tag...so whoever wants to be it...you're it:)

2007-03-15T22:01:00.000-05:00

muse
i haven't posted in a while...so i should post something. but i don't really have anything to share. i'm kind of confused. making decisions is hard work. and as soon as i make them i feel like it was the wrong one. it's crunch time at school, but i don't want to be crunched. when i interact with people my evil twin pops out, and so i'd rather be a hermit. plus, this week i came face to face with the reality that this world is so very fallen. how do we live amongst brokeness without becoming wounded ourselves in the process? how do we walk with, trust and cry out to a God who is only and does only good...and yet so much crap happens? how do i merge these two realities? the reality of the earth (which is not really reality) and the reality of His kingdom. i guess the answer isn't in the merger...for the divorce between the two (as c.s. lewis put it) must be final. but i so want to understand.

i want to understand Him. to, despite the whirlwind, look into His face and let his perfect love carry me. oh Jesus, we need you.

2007-03-09T17:29:00.000-06:00

hearing God
cold sweat anyone? those two words are enough to strike fear into the heart of even the most self-assured.

but why? why do we immediately cringe/feel inadequate/feel neglected when someone talks about [big booming voice] "hearing the voice of the Lord."

first of all, maybe it's because we have distorted view of what it means to "HEAR FROM GOD." is it an audible voice? is it knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt? is it seeing visions of sugarplums dancing in our head?

could be.

or maybe it's an overwhelming feeling of extreme tenderness. maybe it's reading something, and it just connects. maybe it's looking into someone's eyes and knowing that they're lost.

i used to really freak out about hearing God. i still kind of do...but i'm getting better:) i felt abandoned by God...like He talked to everyone else but me. and i wondered, "why not me. what am i doing wrong? He is God, He is perfect. what am i doing that is stopping His voice?"

what did i do wrong? nothing. and everything. i was caught up in hearing that i missed His presence. it was (and is) right in front of me. every day. without fail.

He shows up in His creation.
He presents Himself through his Word
He speaks through the conversations i overhear.

God is involved in one big long conversation with you and me. He doesn't stop. if nothing else, He is practically screaming out to us:

"I LOVE YOU....I AM FOR YOU....I AM WITH YOU. and you are mine."

2007-03-04T17:14:00.000-06:00

before and after

no, extreme home makeover did not come whirling through my room. it was all and only me. 7 pm, friday night, i was inspired. and by 10, this was the magnificient outcome. (i mean who wouldn't want to take 3 hours to deep clean their room on a friday night?? come on. it's not like i don't have a life. i have friends. yeah.) moving on.

i swept.
i washed.
i dusted.
i tossed.

if you want to see the before pics, just click HERE. believe me (and my mom)...it was much worse than it looks. you may not think it possible, but it's the truth.

i sleep with my bedroom door open (otherwise it just gets too hot) and the weirdest feeling is being able to walk straight through my room into the family room. no clothes to wade through. no mountains of books to dodge. just pure, unadulturated space. words can't describe how amazing that is.

2007-02-28T12:32:00.000-06:00

i am such an imbecile
How many of the following will increase the net reabsorption of fluids by the capillaries?
i) an increased plasma colloid-osmotic pressure
ii) an increased interstitial fluid hydrostatic pressure
iii) an increased interstitial fluid colloid-osmotic pressure
iv) a decreased hydrostatic pressure within the capillary

a) 0
b) 1
c) 2
d) 3
e) 4

now if that's not enough to make your head spin, yours must be screwed on tighter than most.

i wrote my human physiology exam last night. what a nightmare. since i would have had to drive into the city again, i decided i'd just stay in the city after my last class, and then take the bus to sherwood and joc's and stay for night.

the afternoon started off all well and good. i was pretty diligent in doing some last minute cramming (ha ha:), perused the bookstore for any knick knacks i just had to buy, ate a really delicious sub. i EVEN won a free coffee from tim hortons (my first coffee of the roll-up-the-rim season and i won...definitely a good sign). then i needed some gum. stellar...i had exactly one dollar and one cent left. i was pumped...wasn't it just so great that i had exactly enough cash for all the things i had needed to buy??!!

the exam was scheduled to begin at 6 pm, but i got there half an hour early. i waited. and waited. and waited. it was 6:10 and we still had not been let in! the hallway was crammed with 200 anxious students. i mean, as if we weren't psyched out enough already. it really starts to mess with you. finally, our prof comes bursting into the building and goes into the exam room to START SETTING UP!! what is this?

we finally got in at 6:20, but the prof begins to shout (well, talk really loud) at us for 10 minutes:

"DO NOT LEAVE until you've signed the sign-in sheet." (about 5 times)
"LISTEN TO ME...make sure your bubble sheet corresponds with the exam you have. if you have an A exam, write A on the bubble sheet." (about 10 times)
"what? your exam says to put the A exam in the B folder. well, it's not my fault. it was right when i sent it the printers...oh wait...it is my fault."
"don't put your answers on the desk next to you or you WILL get kicked out for cheating, and it doesn't matter what excuse you have."
"absolutely NO notes at your desk. NO notes at your desk. NO notes at your desk." (no really...i was hoping i could use them as a reference tool).

i was already worried about this exam, what with the lateness, the shouting and the general uproar, i was just about losing it. you know the feeling of reading something, but for the life of you, you cannot make the symbols on the page formulate into something meaningful and coherent? that was starting to happen. i just had to take deep breaths, slow myself down, and ignore my professor (who at this point was standing right beside me, looking over my shoulder).

AND THEN...halfway through the exam i realize...i have no money for the bus fare to sherwood and jocelyn's. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH. well, at least i spent my last $2 wisely on...uh...gum and coffee???!! oh sigh.

well, i felt very foolish as i called my brother and sister-in-law, and tried to ask (as humbly as possible) if they could pick me up, half-way across the city. all i had to offer was:
"i can be wherever on the campus that works best for you." wow, stephanie, you're really contributing to the solution a whole heck of a lot.

i gave sherwood the free coffee i won at tim hortons, the only token i had to give to show, in some small way, my appreciation. i won't lie--it was hard to part with. but i think the good Lord had known that i would need it. so all i could do was just pass it along.

p.s. the answer is d)

2007-02-26T12:16:00.000-06:00

Treadmill Dance Part 2

click HERE if you missed part one. do it. believe you me, you don't want to miss it.